The World…

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    So I’m super excited to be looking into going back into the work world. I think this is what i was trying to do when i started my Jewelry business….  Don’t get me wrong I’ve really enjoyed it a lot!!  But the past few days i’ve sat down, did the numbers, the pros and cons, and so on. And i’ve come to the decision to wave the white flag. I’ll still have my Facebook page up and do orders if someone wants something but I’m no longer going to go to Vendor events or keep stock on hand. It’s been over a year…. it’s time.

   I’ve also told myself that i’m getting rid of my scale…well put it away anyways… i’m no longer going to look at it! It’s just depressing me. Instead i’m going to work out at least 5 days a week, go walking every day, and work on my eating habits….Also going to look into finding a Dance studio closer to us if possible so Hubbie and i can go back to dancing! I love it!  And i think that’s part of it… I need to work on doing things i enjoy…but also not let them rule me….like sitting around with a book…it’s good but not to do it all the time and never get moving.

  I read an interesting passage this evening that kinda going along with the many things i’ve been thinking about lately. I’ll share it….

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 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”  -James 4:1-3

    It’s a pretty intense passage. I don’t think I have fought or quarreled about the things I’ve wanted…. or have i?  I had to sit back and think about that and then I realized i had! I fought with my husband, I’ve thought mean thoughts about others, and i’ve had arguements with my own self over this whole business thing!  It’s the same for the next part too… it may say Kill….and it probably did mean that but for me it’s not literal…. it’s metaphorical…it goes to my thoughts and anger. Don’t forget that it says in the Bible that  “‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’[c] 22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone,[d] you are subject to judgment!” – Matthew 5:21-22. 

   As i sat and thought about what to do i realized with this decision to start my own business i never did the most important thing…I never asked God about it…not seriously anyways. See God loves giving us our hearts desires…but we must do it in His timing and ask for His help.  I didn’t do that! So i guess i doomed it myself.  Because it says that we need to have the right motives at heart as well when we ask… again i don’t think i did. I just wanted it for myself and for my earthly wants.

    I have to say that in looking for a job now that i have a lot of peace about it… sure i’m nervous and excited but i also feel peace. I do want it so that i can get out and away every now and then…. but i also want it to help out teachers, to help out my family, and to teach. I have still done a lot of work in looking at other places… but everything keeps leading back to a “yes” so far with subbing at the schools.

     So for now i’m happy with this path I’m on… never know God might send me on a different one yet but It’s been interesting where He’s heading me right now. It’s always fun and interesting when i find a verse that makes me think and helps me make decisions!

Anyways….. just my thoughts for today!

Frog

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Judgement…Part 2

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       Tonight as i was driving home i saw a car pulling off to the side of the road. I watched as an elderly gentleman got out. If it hadn’t been so close to being dark and also i had seen him sooner i probably would’ve stopped and asked if he needed help. It got me thinking about some other verses in James.

      It’s so easy to say in your mind…”oh yes! I’m going to help that person!” or to say “well i tithe and help in my church so i’m good”…I’m working on becoming more plugged into my Church that i go to, but i’m also working on reaching out past that as well. When you’re in a safe place it’s easy to help or offer to help a person. But if you’re in an unknown area…driving in the near dark with your child with you….well it’s a little bit harder to reach out.

     By no mean do i mean to be foolish and do something that would lead to you being harmed. Like….following someone into a dark alley…or talking to a stranger that pulls up to you in a parking lot close to dark and you’re alone and only 13yrs old….yeah DON’T DO THOSE THINGS!!! Haha!!

Here are those verses….

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“14 What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone?15 Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing,16 and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?

17 So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.”                         – James 2:14-17

 

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           Such plain and simple words…. If  we say that we are a Follower of Christ than our actions need to say that. This includes doing good deeds. So if i sit back and say “oh i just can’t stop due to my eye sight and someone else will stop” each time i see someone in need of help, then how am i going to be able to spread God’s word? How am I going to show my Faith to anyone?

But it’s more then that as well. If i sit in Church or the Doctor’s Office, or even at my kids’ school and i hear someone is having a hard day and i just say “it’ll get better” and not sit with them, talk, but mainly listen to them and be a shoulder for them then i’m just as guilty as a person that did not reach out to say a Homeless person.

         This whole passage just screams to me to remember that we all need to be that shoulder, that hand that reaches out to help… because if you think about it…if Jesus hadn’t done just that where would we be today? Man, I don’t even want to imagine that! It’s a very scary thought. It also reminds me that i need to be teaching this to my children. They can be so spoiled and greedy at times and it makes me sad.

So I just need to pull out these verses and not only teach them what they say but to teach them by DOING it too.

Just my thoughts and ramblings on these verses……..

Frog

Back! and Progress….

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       It’s been awhile… but it was a good break! On this break I focused on a lot of issues that i have been struggling with. Mainly my Depression, Self Worth, and Driving Anxiety. But i also started to work on an addiction that i just recently found out i had. Well i had an idea that i probably had it but had no idea how to work on it as there was no real group or anything for it. Well I finally told my counselor about it and she gave me a book and from that book i learned there was a workbook for it, I ordered it and i have been working through it with my counselor and let’s just say that when you try to get rid of one addiction another seems to come to the front of the line!

      One of these days I’ll be comfortable saying what my addiction is but for now just know it’s a struggle, and it’s not fun at all.

    But enough of that!! Let’s talk of good things… Like for the first time in 3 years i finally drove from my home to a location that is 20 minutes away (i drive kinda slow) and back with no other adult in the vehicle with me!!! I”m just totally stoked that I did it finally! I learned that i seem to have a slight (and i mean slight) case of PTSD or so the Doctor says so about driving. When he first told me i was like, “but i’m not in the army, i haven’t had anything major happen to me! Sure i had a muscle spasm and little accident right on top of each other but could that really trigger PTSD?”  He told me yes, specially in someone who is already struggling mentally with a lot of other things. And i was. So new meds and finally pushing myself off that imaginary ledge of “can i do this?” and I did it!!

       Now it truly is exciting that i did this but to my mind… i didn’t. That imaginary ledge also had another name, “Am I Going To Trust God?” That ledge…that question…that was scary! It tied into my Self Worth issues. I didn’t think God thought i was important. I didn’t think I mattered. I didn’t think I was the treasure, princess, or child that God wanted in His Kingdom. I mean if I had all this insecurity of “does my husband want me?”, “my kids don’t want me”, “No one wants to be my friend really,” how could God want me? I sunk myself into the Bible and really started to read it. Then we had a sermon about “are you a Fan or Follower of Jesus?” I really looked at the difference between the two, and saw where i had been. You can say you are a follower all you want but if you are not living it then all you are is talk and no action. You’re a Fan and Not a Follower!

       I started to let down my guard around God and started going to Him for everything, I started putting myself out there more….I started trying to make friends again, I started putting effort into my physical appearance, I started to reach out to help or do projects i normally wouldn’t think to do. It has been wonderful! I still struggle though, I still think of myself in a negative light some mornings, so I open my Bible and it now automatically opens to the book of James…The whole Book to me talks of being a Fan or Follower…how we should be acting and so on and to me it’s just a comforting Book to Read.

And so with that my verse for today comes from there….

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 Dear brothers and sisters,when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” James 1:2-4

The first verse can be a hard one to read…he doesn’t say “only these kind of troubles” nope… he says ANY KIND! We have a bad day? We should see this as an opportunity for joy! Now there are some things that should be grieved and processed before getting to the Joy…but I think we should look for that Joy in all things! Like my experience for example…when i’ve gone to recovery groups or to counseling they didn’t automatically say “well you should be seeing the joy in this right now!” No…they worked me through the stages of grief, anger, and so on and now finally I’m seeing the Joy and the good that has come out of these situations. And i think THIS is what they meant, they didn’t say BE Joyful…no they said “Consider It An Opportunity!” Meaning it will be coming, just not right away. SO I think we can be able to see the Joy in somethings right away even though they seem bad and sometimes it might take some healing first before we can finally feel that Joy.

 In the second verse it talks about our Faith being tested. It has taken me a long time to know that it is NOT God that is testing me! God is not tempted, He will NOT tempt you! I finally know who is tempting me…Satan. He wants us to fail, He wants us to fall on our faces…and I’ve done so, many times! The thing is, I think we can do the second part “..endurance has a chance to grow” when we pick ourselves up, call it what it was (Satan or our own Human selfishness) and work hard to not only to get back on the right path but to make sure we are not tripped up like that again. Some times we need help with this. We need a friendly person to come along side us to remind us to be watchful and to put God first and not our human nature.

Third verse reminds us to let it grow, we shouldn’t ever stop trying to better ourselves, our Faith, and our knowledge of God’s word. It says that if we are fully developed then we’re perfect and needing nothing. My thoughts on this is if we are perfect then we are no longer on this earth. So from this I get the idea of while we are living we need to be constantly watchful, constantly learning, constantly growing in our Faith. By this i mean we seek God in the morning, at lunch, and before bed…. and all those times in between. Making sure to read the Bible at some point in the day, and to reach out to others that are around us. I can be just as bad as anyone else with this. Lives get busy, children’s needs need to be met, there’s work, there’s that evil Facebook with all it’s cool games and people with pictures on it. Haha!!

What i get from all this is that we all struggle, it’s what we do with those struggles that mean the most. No one is perfect! Christians’ are NOT perfect…I personally know that i am broken…and because i know that i know i need God and because i need Him I know that i need to work on me every day.

        I hope you enjoyed reading this, hope it may have helped someone or at least got you thinking.

Frog

My Favorite Verse…

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     Today I’m taking a break from blogging devotional verses. Think i might take a break tomorrow too. I am going to share with you my favorite verse that i go to when i’m having an anxiety attack or just feeling very afraid.  It means so much to me that i painted it onto my nightstand. It’s in the garage now but as soon as i figure out where i want it it’s coming back inside. Here’s a Photo of it.

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 May not be the most awesome design in the world, but it works for me. 🙂

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Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

    “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.”  To me this is yet another reminder from a different author that we are not to be afraid. No if ands or buts. We are NOT to be afraid. I remember someone once telling me that God did not give us a spirit of fear…He gave us a spirit of joy and PEACE. When i read that first part it just hammers in that fact more so. 🙂

      But it does tell us why we are not to be afraid. Because He is with us. How sweet is that? But i also see it as i AM with you…. sternly reminding us that now matter what he’s not leaving us.

    “Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.” So for discouraged i see that as frustrated or annoyed. We shouldn’t be frustrated or annoyed with whatever we might be facing in our lives….but the next part is a bit of a twist i think. “for I am your God” Well for me this reminds me that it’ll be easier to NOT be afraid or discouraged, frustrated, or annoyed when we call God OUR God…as in we’ve asked Him into our lives not just as a guest but as the master at the wheel.  We need to remember this part.  People are so quick to use God like a genie and grant their wishes. I’m just as guilty about this. It’s so easy to just say “God help me with this…” and then move on and do things just like we did before. Not so good. 😦

      “I will strengthen you and help you.” If we have Him as our God then we can count on Him to give us the strength…but also Peace, Joy, Love, Wisdom, and so on to deal with anything that we might have going on in our lives. He will help us, He’s going to be there to help us emotionally, spiritually, and possibly even physically if the need is there. It’s not going to come in the form of what we think it should be though, so i think that though it says He’s going to be there and do these things we need to also have our minds and hearts open to that help.

         “ I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”  If He is going to hold us up with His right hand then boy we don’t have anything to worry about at all! Think of it this way if your favorite hero comes and tells you that they are going to protect you with their right hand then you’d know that you’re all set right? I mean God is saying the same thing right here. “victorious”  Yes He’s won so many battles…. just look in exodus and such about the Israelites and getting to the promise land. He helped them so much! He even cleared the way for them in many areas. Everywhere in the Bible it talks of His victories… so we have proof and evidence that if He says that He’s going to hold us up and help us then He’s going to do it and He’s going to WIN! Just remember that it’s HIS will we need to be following…not ours.

Well there you go. My favorite verse. 🙂 Hope you enjoyed it! These are just my thoughts and ramblings..I’m no professional!

Frog

Where We Stand..

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      Today i procrastinated a bit… my husband was home sick and spending some quiet time with our toddler just watching cartoons, so i took the opportunity to work on re-painting our living room. I got it about halfway done and felt really proud of myself. Until i realized i was procrastinating to sit down and read my devotional and work on my blog. So i put things away for the day and hopped to it so to speak.

     The devotional for today talked about standing firm in your life. Either it be a Faith thing, work related, home related, friendships, and so on. It made me think of all the times i was wishy washy on where i stood with my faith because i didn’t want to churn the waters and just wanted to keep the peace. It made me think of saying yes to a paint color i really didn’t like just to please my husband and to finally paint….when we are this way it doesn’t turn out well at all! Like with the paint, saying yes to it made me bitter, it wasted money, and it led to arguments and then my husband feeling angry and bitter as well. See… nothing good came out of that…except maybe as an example. Ha!

       Today’s verse is again a short one but i think it’ll be just as good.

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“Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.” 1 Corinthians 16:13

      “Be on guard.” I looked up other translations and they had you or your added in to it. It made me think that this isn’t about being on guard for other people but Yourself! When you read it like “Be on YOUR guard”… to me it says that we need to be watching what we are saying, doing, and bringing into our lives. We need to stop a moment and say “this is not healthy for me” or “this is NOT what i believe in and i can not give in to it”.

      “Stand firm in the faith.” This was the almost the same in every translation. I guess no matter how you want to say it it’s that simple. If this is your Faith…then you need to stand firm in it! Don’t be all “well i believe this part of it… but not this part here”.  What does that tell other people? That you don’t trust this thing you believe in. If it was me i wouldn’t want to be a part of something someone isn’t sure they even want to be a part of it.  We need to STAND firm. We have to stand and be sure that this is what we want and model that.

       “Be courageous.”  I think this is telling us to not be afraid again. (like we talked about in the last blog) I could totally see the author standing there like a coach or something saying “Let’s do this! DOn’t be afraid! Fight for that win!” Doesn’t this mean violance? i don’t think so. I think it means that it means standing up and pointing out to a person that what they might be doing is wrong.  Like morally wrong. If you see someone cheating on their marriage, or on a test, or on their taxes. If you see someone physically or verbally abusing someone then lets stand up and be couragous and say “hey! i don’t think that’s right!”

        “Be Strong.”   Could this mean physically? Possibly. But i don’t think that’s what they are going for here. I think they are meaning that we need to be just that…strong but in the spiritual since. We need to work on equipping ourselves for daily onslaughts that might be trying to bring us down. We need to cloth ourselves in that full body spiritual armor. Making sure we are reading His word, understanding it, going to Church, having those close Christian friends that help lift us back up when we feel beat down. It’s making sure we are putting safe and healthy boundaries up for ourselves.  I think this is what it means when it wants us to be “strong”.

     I don’t know about you but i definitely need to work on these areas! Lots of good things to think on and how to put them in place. 🙂

I hope you have enjoyed reading! I’m no professional…but i am a woman just trying to learn more about the Bible and love sharing that with you!

Frog

The Start of Fears…

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   Now this isn’t a post about how Fears starts…nope! This is a post about how i received a cool devotional in the mail yesterday that i had forgotten about. It’s a 30 Day Devotional about FEARS! Woohoo! I mean seriously…this is totally for me! It still amazes me that I went from being a woman with no fears about driving, loving it to pieces really, to a woman that can’t drive past her son’s school about 2 miles away without flipping out. It’s a constant heartache and headache for myself and my family.

So this and some other fears spurred me to buy/donate to get this devotional that i saw on the Proverbs 31 Ministeries’ website. After i wrote yesterday’s post, I knew i wanted to keep going forward but i was floundering for what to write about. Nothing seemed to jump out at me or say “write about me” when i read things. I felt like i was forcing it.

Anyways…then the devotional came and i got hit in the head with an idea of taking the main verse for the devotionals and writing or breaking them down so i could better understand them. 🙂  So that is what I am going to do for the next month or so.  Enjoy!

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I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Phillipians 4:12-13

Let’s see…

I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything…”  To me the word “live” is said with an exclamation mark. “I know how to LIVE!” It’s like the author is saying he has found the secret to life… how to make it wonderful no matter what. So you already get a glimpse of what this verse is all about. Then it talk about “on almost nothing”, so this is talking about not having anything, being poor or destitute. To me i think this is telling us that the author understands these problems and is telling us “save it, I’ve been there and experienced that…you can’t tell me that i don’t understand, because i DO”. In other words…Leave your excuses at the door. Ha! 

But then he mentions “or with everything”. So is he trying to say that having everything is not all that it’s cracked up to be? Is he saying that we don’t know how to live when we don’t have to worry? I kinda think he means both of those. There’s that silly saying “More Money, More problems” and i think that fits here….I’ve never seen a truly happy rich person. Have you? If you have please tell me… i’d love to meet them and ask them questions. But i digress, we have two opposite ways of living and the author states he knows how to LIVE (probably meaning how to be thankful) in both of these situations.

I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.”  Well here he is stating with authority that, yes he does know exactly what to do. But look closely, he doesn’t say he KNOWS, nope he says “i have LEARNED”. To me this means that there was probably a lot of trial and error… probably emphasize that error part. I love how he puts “the secret of living”. I think it’s his way of making us lean in and make sure we don’t miss this next part. 

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”   Well there you go. Right there in black and white is the secret to living. Take a look at the word “through” … he doesn’t say with…but THROUGH Christ. To me, I think this means that as long as we go to God first and don’t expect our way to be done that He will be there and help us. But only if we seek Him and petition HIM before each day. I think it also means we may not always like the answer either…He may tell us to wait or that awful “NO” word….But even if that is the case He’s still going to give us that peace to keep going. 

That last part just helps confirm that. “who gives me STRENGTH”…No matter what, an anxiety attack on the highway, or a lost spouse or child or friend, or a marriage falling a part, or an abusive situation, or just a bad day at work…. NO MATTER WHAT!! He will give us the strength to deal with, to get away from, or to grieve the loss. He’ll be right there shouldering our fears and our pain. He’ll be there even when things are going right..to enjoy and celebrate those as well.

I don’t know about you but reading that and understanding that makes me feel a hundred times better and all warm and gooey inside….like smores….mmmm.  God’s promises are like Smores. I think i might copyright that and slap it on a t-shirt to wear every day! LOL!

 

Hope you enjoyed this!

Frog

Broken But Not…

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    As I’ve stated in previous blog posts, my husband and I went through a really difficult time several years ago. We are finally working on it and seems to be working. But there was a time i was just BROKEN!! I cried for days…loudly, quietly…I did so while screaming into my pillow, I shamed him and myself with hateful words and bitter venom. All it did was tear us more a part. I was hurting and i didn’t know how to talk with him anymore.

Well one night as a last ditch effort we went to a group thing called ReEngage…It seemed ok and so we joined and started to work. Then during one of the group session parts they played this song by Casting Crowns called Broken Together. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhxELo-uD3c ) <this is the official music video for it>  I thought how true this is! The whole song is about being broken and chasing dreams and fairy tale endings but really in the end aren’t we just two broken people trying to make it work?

Then this last month i watched an online study about marriage by Andy Stanley called IMarriage.(you can find it on youtube too)  Wow was it an eye opener! What stayed with me the most was when he said something about how if a desire of our heart is causing us pain and anxiety we need to go to the Lord and say to HIM..”Lord, this desire is important to me. It’s causing me so much pain. I’m giving it to you.” He states at one point that God wants to grant us the desires of our hearts but we need to bring them to him daily and wait on HIS time.

The reason i bring these two things up is because i realized i had desires, I would hint at them or turn them into expectations for my husband to fill up and do.. see the problem? I was bringing them to the wrong person! This led to a lot of brokenness. I still  today have these desires and still feel broken in this area….but it’s different now…i KNOW who to bring it to this time, and it’s the one person who truly knows and understands brokenness!

And with that it brings us to our verse which is about Brokenness. 🙂 see what i did there? LOL!

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   The verse i have today is Galations 2:20 NLT version:

“My old self has been crucified with Christ.[a] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Let me start with that first sentence. “My old self has been crucified with Christ…” To me that word crucified really sticks out. To truly understand this word i went back to Luke 22-23 and John 18-19 to read about Jesus’ Crucifixion. If you’re not familiar with those chapters, read over them..it’s very enlightening. SO through that reading i learned how painful that way of dying is. When i hear that my old self or “old way of life” has been “crucified” with Christ…it just tells me that the transition is not going to be fun and games. People might yell at you, make fun of you, bosses may give you a hard time, loved ones may shun you….but this is WITH Christ. He’s done it already…he was ridiculed, beaten, broken, and most of all…loved ones turned their backs on HIM. No one but Jesus could understand the pain we may go through!

“…It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me..” Again I’m drawn to certain words, “no longer I who live” ….wow. Now i don’t think this means who we are dies….no no. We’ll still have those heart desires, we’ll still feel the draw of our passions like music, drawing, numbers, computers…no what i think they are talking about here is all the bad stuff. Our sins of our past, the overwhelming desire to do wrong, the way we used to look at the world or just people that were around us. Once all of that is gone then Christ (Holy Spirit) can come in and be there with us always. Whispering to us when making decisions, lifting us up when we feel like falling, but most of all being there so that we are NEVER truly alone! That makes me feel so much better knowing that I’ll never truly be alone again!

So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God” This here i feel like it is summed up in the last part… trusting in the Son of God….By trusting in Him i will be able to go through life a lot better.

And lastly… “..who loved me and gave himself for me.”  I believe this goes into the common verse of “He loved us so much He gave His one and only Son to die for us.” Not only did God love us so much but Jesus HIMSELF loved us sooooo much that He went through that painful process physically, emotionally, and mentally for US. I mean…who else would do that for me? We say things like “I’d die for you” but do we mean it? Most of the time…NO.

      So in a nut shell… because Christ was crucified I can know that i will have help to live this earthly life until the day He calls me home. Now I know you all are probably wondering what this has to do with my brokenness and marriage i had talked about in the beginning of this. But don’t you see…. if i had had this verse when i was broken and crying, i would’ve know that i wasn’t alone… that Christ knows what my pain feels like and wants to comfort me? Oh how this would’ve saved me so many nights of pain. Oh how this will help me in the future to know that these heart desires are just as important to God as they are to me and that He will be with me through the pain and hurt until the time they may be answered.  Just gotta also remember that my answer may not be 100% what i WANT it to be.

Frog

Getting It Right…

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     This morning i woke in a very bad mood, totally ticked off with my husband. What’s funny is i was mad at him for something that had happened in my dream and he wasn’t guilty of at all. Ha Ha!!  Isn’t it just crazy that even before we open our eyes Satan is already there doing his tricks and making sure we can’t enjoy what God has for us?

So here i was just stewing and getting madder and starting to pick a part everything from last night and setting up what i was going to say and do and all this kinda stuff and then BAM! I see the verse i wrote down last night to do today. And boy do i need to sit down and meditate on this one! So let’s get to it!!

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    The verse for me today is Psalm 86:11….maybe you already know it, it’s one of those “famous verses”, but for those of us that don’t here we go:

“Teach me your ways, O Lord,
    that I may live according to your truth!
Grant me purity of heart,
    so that I may honor you.”

   Ok, don’t know about you guys but seriously just reading it was like a wake up call! It makes me sit up straighter and want to read it over and over again! It makes me feel my heart and soul cry out and say “YES! I want that!!” Let’s break it down though so i don’t miss anything.

“Teach me your ways, O Lord….” I look at this and want to put “your” in all caps! This first part just really nails it in. Put lets look at the context a bit. For this i went back to the two previous verses:

All the nations you made
    will come and bow before you, Lord;
    they will praise your holy name.
 For you are great and perform wonderful deeds.
    You alone are God.”

    For me, with this information i can now know WHY i would want to learn from God! Look at that first part. Nation YOU MADE, will come and BOW before YOU! Here we know that HE made us…with the next two parts we know that we will want to praise HIM. Then lastly that last line tells us that He can do all things and only HIM ALONE can do this.

     Ok back to verse 11. Well with that knowledge we now know the why, If He can do all that, if He made us, then of course we would desire to learn from HIM!

“…so that I can live according to your truth!”  When i read this it gave me a second reason for wanting to learn from Him. If I am learning from God then in my mind it would be a lot easier to live a good and right life. It goes back to yesterday’s verse. As long as we are in HIM, learning, reading, taking the time to soak it all up then everything falls into place spiritually. Does this mean you’ll win the lottery? Or your marriage will be magically fixed? Sadly no. BUT you will have a new way of seeing things. It’ll no longer be up to you solely, you’ll have someone fighting right along with you! Now this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep trying to better yourself…not at all! Keep working on YOU! Only YOU can change YOU! But leave the other person to God. It works out so much better! Trust me… I totally understand!

     Ok I’m starting to ramble again Ha!  Let’s move on to the next part.

“Grant me purity of heart…” Here this tells me that no one has purity of heart….no one. we must ask for it, it must be GRANTED to us! This also tells me that I need this in order to live in His truth and learn from him. That purity of heart if a really be key for us!

And lastly “…so that I may honor You.”  This is important to me…In the end all of this together is to HONOR HIM!  What if we were to read this verse like this:

I honor you, by asking for a pure heart, living according to your truth, and learning your ways!

Look at that! To me doing these three things i bring God so much Honor! Not only do i bring Him honor, but i get to be closer to Him and soak in more knowledge and be prepared to face the day in a whole new light!

    How can i put this in my life today? Well going back to the beginning of this post….instead of letting Satan have my first thoughts this morning, i could’ve sat down and said “God give me a pure heart today! Let my THOUGHTS and WORDS and ACTIONS honor you! Teach me Lord to give these hurts over to YOU as soon as i wake each morning!”  Oh if i had started my day like that, my day would and can bring me so much JOY!

I hope that this may have Blessed you in some way! These are just my thoughts… they don’t make them right, or wrong… they are just my thoughts.

Frog

The Sickies…Plus the new beginning

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    The allergy season is always hard on our household. My husband and middle child are in a constant allergy med haze, my oldest and I tend to not show signs until it is too late and we have a respiratory infection, and then our youngest goes from allergies to teething fun every few days.  As a mom you sometimes have these thoughts of  “Man, I should buy stock in cough medicine (or allergy)”. During this season i think this often, just a fun little thought of “buy right before allergy season and then sell right after…we’d be set!” Ha Ha!

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     All this to say that this morning’s goal of waking up and starting into my new routine got sidelined a bit due to oldest staying home sick and the youngest not feeling well so he was up and being a normal toddler (think key word is destructive). I often describe cleaning with M awake like “Brushing your teeth while eating oreos”, in other words…pointless. LOL!  When he’s not feeling well it is a lot worse. S seriously praying this passes quickly and he’s back to his happy fun self again soon.

verse

  Ok enough of that, let’s begin! The verses for today are Ephesians 1:18-19, I use the NLT version so i’ll put that here.

18 I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.[g]

19 I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him.”

So going through this phrase by phrase and seeing how it applies to us and what it could mean more deeply.

“I pray your hearts will be flooded with light…”

Though i prefer to read for myself the New Living Translation, it is nice to go to the NIV version and see how it is worded there so i don’t miss something. It reads “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened”.  Ok wow. So light and enlightened are meaning the same for me here (wisdom, knowledge, understanding). But look at the NIV version. It has “eyes of your heart”, this makes me go huh, my heart doesn’t have eyes, so what could he be really meaning. I think here he is meaning the desires of our hearts be opened to the Lords wisdom and understanding. Our understanding is so limited with our human brains that we want and need to allow God’s understanding to come into our hearts so that we are more open minded and understanding to the things around us. (remember this is just me trying to understand…there is no right answer here)

In the very next words “…so that you can understand the confident hope…” gives me an AHA! moment. Ok so light could also re a reference to what kind of understanding, meaning we don’t want just any old kind of knowledge…but GOOD, PURE, RIGHT understanding. THen if we have that then we can understand “Confident Hope”.  Confident, well some other words to mean that is “positive”, “self-assured”, “assertive”, etc.  To be confident it means you know you have it. Ok so if we look at it this way ” I pray that your heart has good open minded understanding so that you know that you have Hope” wow. Reading it that way makes me feel so much better! i KNOW i have Hope. Awesome!

“…he has given to those he called..” Now with this added to it it now shows to me that i can’t have this understanding unless HE has given it to me. Without HIS understanding we can not be confident in having Hope. Oh that makes me a little sad. If this had been my teenage self reading this i would’ve felt defeated, knowing i could not do it myself, i would need to lean on HIM for this. I was a strong willed, independent little girl…hearing i needed to wait and relay on someone else would’ve rubbed me the wrong way! So good thing i didn’t hear it till now! Now this gives me joy, knowing i DON’T have to do this alone. There is someone waiting to have my back and to help me. Again…wow! Love this!

 

“…his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.”  Oh now that is awesome. So if we are his children…we are his rich and glorious inheritance…oh that is so sweet! To me this means that this understanding can not be taken away…it’s set.  The only way i could get rid of this is if i myself set this off to the side and tell him “i don’t need you, i can do it myself” That makes me feel safe and secure in this knowledge. What about you?

Ok last verse. Let’s do this and then I’ll write out all together what i think it means and how it’s special to me.

I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him.”  This feels like a complete thought or phrase so lets go back to the NIV version and see if it’s a little different. “and his incomparably great power for us who believe.”   A little less wordy and seems to sum it up nicely! SO here we can also understand and KNOW that we can have great power through HIM for those of us that can be called His Children. So not only will we get his knowledge but also his power to help us through our daily lives so long as we stay with him and allow Him into our hearts.

What a great and wonderful promise! To apply this to my life I’m hoping to dig deeper into His Word every day i can so that i can find and apply more of these promises!  We’ll see what new verses i find in my reading later today that i can post for tomorrow.

 

Hope you enjoyed this! If not please feel free to tell me how it can be better. (unless you’re just going to be rude…then please feel free to practice the “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all” rule.)

Frog

Depression….

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  Depression…. man, i can go weeks even months feeling “normal” and then BAM! I’m feeling like the world hates me and no one really wants to hang out with me…. again. I’ve been asked by Doctor’s and now some Counselors when i think it all began. Thinking on it at first i thought “well i’ve always had it”…then they made me just stop a moment and think…hmmm yeah no i think it was around the time of 3rd grade a lot of things happened during that year and after. Things that scarred me for life and things that just should’ve never happened. Though sometimes i wonder about 1st grade… to be honest i can remember kindergarten but first grade the only memory i have is of me crying in my mom’s arms saying “don’t leave me she’s so mean!” outside the classroom. So yeah i wonder. But then it could be i’m nearing 30 and just my brain going. ….Like now and me rambling about this instead of the topic.

blue man

     You know there is a difference between sadness and depression. Depression is a sadness so deep and consuming that you can’t think or breathe without wanting to just end it..give up…throw in that towel.  I’ve learned to shake it out of my head though. Going for walks, exercising, praying, reading and occupying my mind. Oh there are weeks where it grips me so hard i can’t shake it and normally those are the weeks that i close myself off from people more so then normal. There are different types of Depression too… most common is Seasonal (happens mainly during winter as things are dead and gray for so long it just effects certain people more so), then for ladies there is a depression that can take hold of us right before and during that horrible week for us.  Then there is also a bunch of others out there as well… i highly recommend looking them up and seeing if maybe you fit one or more. Sometimes Doctors are quick to say it’s one type when it could be more.

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  It’s hard when you’re depressed and all you want to do is have fun or spend time with your kids and all you can do is think about is bad things. Then you think about all the things you’ve missed out on and again those feelings of failure and shame come up and it just makes it all the more difficult to crawl out of this horrible feeling.

   Recently i got a whole lot of numbers from some awesome women that encouraged me to text or call when i felt this way… oh but man is it hard to pick up that phone and text those words to someone… “yeah hi i’m texting to tell you i can’t do this and i need someone to talk to because i’m a failure”. Oh i know that’s not the truth…but that is what my mind whispers to me and i just don’t want to feel that on top of my already messed up feelings so i just trying to do it myself. Which is bad… very bad! The more we try to do it ourselves the more we push the world and God out of our lives and say “i have to do it myself! No one can help me!” It puts strain on friendships and other relationships all together. I have now slowly started to just be real with my spouse… “Hunnie, I’m just feeling really down today”…you can’t believe how much of a break through that is for me!

     I’m going to be real right here and right now….I have tried to hurt myself multiply times… one time i almost succeeded. And i want to say…if you are in that area… if you are hurting yourself, let me tell you something that i didn’t hear often enough…

Don’t do that anymore…you matter so much! I know you feel alone and lost and like there is no light at the end of the tunnel anymore…but listen to those of us that have been there and done that…you matter! You are loved! You are special and beautiful! There is only one you and the world would be a horrible place with out you! Hang on to someone…message me…seek council and help… oh there are just so many of out there that have been right there and we will reach out to you! 

  Depression is not a laughing matter, it’s something real…and dangerous… and horrible to deal with. Give someone a hug or just a couple of those words i wrote up there ….we could all benefit from those words being said to us on a daily basis.

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  These are just some of my thoughts on this matter… and some of what has gone on in my life. I hope to go back and touch more on these topics again as i get more comfortable writing and letting people know my thoughts.

Frog