weariness….

letterhead2

     Today I am Weary! At first i thought it was my depression sinking into me again. But as i sit here and exam it closer… i realized it was more weariness then anything else. If you have ever dealt with depression you know how hard it can be to “feel” any emotion but sadness and despair…but here i am and able to think and process and know that that’s not what i’m feeling right now. NOPE! Well there might be a little of that lurking in the background but i’m working on pushing that out of my way until i can work through it.

        I just feel overwhelmed, underwhelmed, stressed, bored, excited, and afraid all at once and i guess that has led to this deep down bone numbing weariness. So many things going on around here, it being summer and the kids are out of school, plus looking for a good part time job, then having to look for a new Life Group (sunday school class) four ourselves and putting ourselves out there, trying to work on also my jewelry business (it’s not going so well really, the only time i have customers is at events…no orders means no business) , also family stuff, and lastly adjusting to a new place and the budget for the new place.

     All of this has made me just a little uncertain and lets face it a little crazy about everything. Then someone posted a verse today…and i was like “that is soooo me!!!”

28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”” —-Matthew 11:28-30

I always forget this verse…. it’s the most helpful verse but it’s the one i forget the most. I so need to go down on my knees and hand it all over to Him as i so can’t do this…. the more i think about it the more i become frustrated and angry. That of course won’t help at all… except to make it worse! So i loved having this reminder today to just take a deep breath and know the God’s got this!!!

Just a few thoughts for today.

Frog

Judgement…Part 2

letterhead2

       Tonight as i was driving home i saw a car pulling off to the side of the road. I watched as an elderly gentleman got out. If it hadn’t been so close to being dark and also i had seen him sooner i probably would’ve stopped and asked if he needed help. It got me thinking about some other verses in James.

      It’s so easy to say in your mind…”oh yes! I’m going to help that person!” or to say “well i tithe and help in my church so i’m good”…I’m working on becoming more plugged into my Church that i go to, but i’m also working on reaching out past that as well. When you’re in a safe place it’s easy to help or offer to help a person. But if you’re in an unknown area…driving in the near dark with your child with you….well it’s a little bit harder to reach out.

     By no mean do i mean to be foolish and do something that would lead to you being harmed. Like….following someone into a dark alley…or talking to a stranger that pulls up to you in a parking lot close to dark and you’re alone and only 13yrs old….yeah DON’T DO THOSE THINGS!!! Haha!!

Here are those verses….

verse

“14 What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone?15 Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing,16 and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?

17 So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.”                         – James 2:14-17

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Such plain and simple words…. If  we say that we are a Follower of Christ than our actions need to say that. This includes doing good deeds. So if i sit back and say “oh i just can’t stop due to my eye sight and someone else will stop” each time i see someone in need of help, then how am i going to be able to spread God’s word? How am I going to show my Faith to anyone?

But it’s more then that as well. If i sit in Church or the Doctor’s Office, or even at my kids’ school and i hear someone is having a hard day and i just say “it’ll get better” and not sit with them, talk, but mainly listen to them and be a shoulder for them then i’m just as guilty as a person that did not reach out to say a Homeless person.

         This whole passage just screams to me to remember that we all need to be that shoulder, that hand that reaches out to help… because if you think about it…if Jesus hadn’t done just that where would we be today? Man, I don’t even want to imagine that! It’s a very scary thought. It also reminds me that i need to be teaching this to my children. They can be so spoiled and greedy at times and it makes me sad.

So I just need to pull out these verses and not only teach them what they say but to teach them by DOING it too.

Just my thoughts and ramblings on these verses……..

Frog

Judgement….

letterhead2

    So i’ve been trying to write another blog post and it just was NOT sounding right. So i saved the draft and let myself just relax and think. I realized i wanted my view heard, I wanted it to be recognized and acknowledged. That’s just not going to happen in the world we live in today. And that’s ok.

Today i read a devotional by Lysa Terkuerst about being that one that didn’t get invited. Wow…she said clearly how I have felt most of my life. BUt she went on and talked about how we can not let that define us. It’s not our identity….  And i realized that’s exactly what I have been doing. I’ve let it’s define me….I no longer see myself as “Monica, art lover, animal lover, caring person, and just a little zany” but I see myself as “monica, girl not invited, not cared about, in the way, and isn’t worth much.”

      This is such a painful way to see yourself. No worries, I’m working on not seeing myself in this light anymore. It’s a slow road. But it brings me to something that hit me today and that is: How we see ourselves often influences how we treat other people.

       Let that sink in for a moment. And here’s the verses I read that helped me see this.

verse

“My dear brothers and sisters,[a] how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others?

For example, suppose someone comes into your meeting[b] dressed in fancy clothes and expensive jewelry, and another comes in who is poor and dressed in dirty clothes. If you give special attention and a good seat to the rich person, but you say to the poor one, “You can stand over there, or else sit on the floor”—well, doesn’t this discrimination show that your judgments are guided by evil motives?

Listen to me, dear brothers and sisters. Hasn’t God chosen the poor in this world to be rich in faith? Aren’t they the ones who will inherit the Kingdom he promised to those who love him? But you dishonor the poor! Isn’t it the rich who oppress you and drag you into court? Aren’t they the ones who slander Jesus Christ, whose noble name[c] you bear?

Yes indeed, it is good when you obey the royal law as found in the Scriptures: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[d] But if you favor some people over others, you are committing a sin. You are guilty of breaking the law.

10 For the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as a person who has broken all of God’s laws. 11 For the same God who said, “You must not commit adultery,” also said, “You must not murder.”[e] So if you murder someone but do not commit adultery, you have still broken the law.

12 So whatever you say or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law that sets you free. 13 There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you.” James 2:1-13

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know this is a lot so i’m just going to talk about how i feel about these verses and what i got from them.

To me this whole thing tells me that i can not put one person above another…in my home, in my work area, in public, in private…. and so on. I should not make ANYONE more important than another of my human companions. Yes we should show respect to our bosses and leaders (still working on this) but they are NOT more important than say my next door neighbor.This goes for that person that may not have invited you to an event. Just because they didn’t invite you don’t let that person become more important than others…including yourself.

The last part really struck me… if we do not show mercy then God is not going to show US mercy! To me i figured this means forgiveness as well. If i don’t forgive all the people that have hurt me then i’m not showing mercy…I’m letting all those feelings fester inside of me and God is going to judge me on that! That’s a scary thought!! I think this includes all those little times that i had a pang or fit of jealousy that i wasn’t included. We are not to envy…jealousy is in a sense just another name for Envy. So it is something i definitely need to work on!

So…in a sense…no matter who we are, how much money we have, how many friends we have or don’t have….we’re all the same…we’re all important to the same degree to God and we should treat each other the same way. If we let our jealousy/envy, or our hurts rule us than we’re not going to be able to do the main command from the Lord….. “Love One Another, As I have LOVED YOU!”

Anyways…. I know i didn’t touch on all of the verses in this one and i will later on I promise. 🙂 The Book of James is totally worth it.

Just what i’ve been thinking about and learned about.

Frog

My Favorite Verse…

letterhead2

     Today I’m taking a break from blogging devotional verses. Think i might take a break tomorrow too. I am going to share with you my favorite verse that i go to when i’m having an anxiety attack or just feeling very afraid.  It means so much to me that i painted it onto my nightstand. It’s in the garage now but as soon as i figure out where i want it it’s coming back inside. Here’s a Photo of it.

table

 May not be the most awesome design in the world, but it works for me. 🙂

verse

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

    “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.”  To me this is yet another reminder from a different author that we are not to be afraid. No if ands or buts. We are NOT to be afraid. I remember someone once telling me that God did not give us a spirit of fear…He gave us a spirit of joy and PEACE. When i read that first part it just hammers in that fact more so. 🙂

      But it does tell us why we are not to be afraid. Because He is with us. How sweet is that? But i also see it as i AM with you…. sternly reminding us that now matter what he’s not leaving us.

    “Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.” So for discouraged i see that as frustrated or annoyed. We shouldn’t be frustrated or annoyed with whatever we might be facing in our lives….but the next part is a bit of a twist i think. “for I am your God” Well for me this reminds me that it’ll be easier to NOT be afraid or discouraged, frustrated, or annoyed when we call God OUR God…as in we’ve asked Him into our lives not just as a guest but as the master at the wheel.  We need to remember this part.  People are so quick to use God like a genie and grant their wishes. I’m just as guilty about this. It’s so easy to just say “God help me with this…” and then move on and do things just like we did before. Not so good. 😦

      “I will strengthen you and help you.” If we have Him as our God then we can count on Him to give us the strength…but also Peace, Joy, Love, Wisdom, and so on to deal with anything that we might have going on in our lives. He will help us, He’s going to be there to help us emotionally, spiritually, and possibly even physically if the need is there. It’s not going to come in the form of what we think it should be though, so i think that though it says He’s going to be there and do these things we need to also have our minds and hearts open to that help.

         “ I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”  If He is going to hold us up with His right hand then boy we don’t have anything to worry about at all! Think of it this way if your favorite hero comes and tells you that they are going to protect you with their right hand then you’d know that you’re all set right? I mean God is saying the same thing right here. “victorious”  Yes He’s won so many battles…. just look in exodus and such about the Israelites and getting to the promise land. He helped them so much! He even cleared the way for them in many areas. Everywhere in the Bible it talks of His victories… so we have proof and evidence that if He says that He’s going to hold us up and help us then He’s going to do it and He’s going to WIN! Just remember that it’s HIS will we need to be following…not ours.

Well there you go. My favorite verse. 🙂 Hope you enjoyed it! These are just my thoughts and ramblings..I’m no professional!

Frog

Paralyzed By Fear..

letterhead2

    Have you ever been paralyzed with fear? I have been..  Many times as a child, as a young adult, and then later on as a mother.  There are so many things that can paralyze us from going forward… as i have gotten older they seem to get worse and actually stick with me. When i was a kid things like this would stop me in the moment but then the next thing you knew i’d be running around again like nothing happened. I guess because i never really sat down and processed them that it’s catching up to me now.

       What are some of the things that can bring us fear?  For myself I listed mine down and I’ll share them with you.

     My Fears

  • the fear of never truly being loved by my husband
  • Never being seen as beautiful by anyone
  • Never being seen as important
  • never being able to driver long distance again
  • that i will never be able to trust my husband to help me no matter what
  • That God truly does not see me as Important.

 

It’s a pretty intense list… at least to me it is. Specially that last one! Here i am…a Christian, I see myself as a daughter of God and I try to follow His commands. But i still don’t feel like He sees me as Important. I know that until i work through this one none of those others will budge. I know that until I get right with God my every day life is going to be a struggle. Because you can’t say that you follow God and still try to do everything on your own. It just turns into a mess that way.

Today’s verse is about God’s promise to be with us….and more. Let’s go….

verse

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
    I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters,
    I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
    you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
    you will not be burned up;
    the flames will not consume you.” Isaiah 43:1b-2 NLT

It’s a bit long but I think all of it is important.

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you…”  Whenever I see the words “Do not” in the BIble i see the not in all caps. So in the first part the author is telling us to NOT be afraid. Easier said than done right? Then it goes on to say “for i have ransomed you”. Well who ransomed us? You have to look a little bit further back to the beginning of verse 1 to know that this is the Lord speaking. So the Lord is saying HE has ransomed us…. Ok so ransom means that someone gives money or something else of value to get that person or thing back from someone bad. To me this means God has given someone bad (probably Satan) something of great value to make sure HE got us back. 

“…I have called you by name; you are mine.”  To me that first part means that He has called us out, He knows us, not just knows about us…but He knows us personally and intimately. And that last part…”YOU ARE MINE!!” Said with authority, and probably with love as well. There is no doubt what He is wanting to say here.  

When you go through deep waters,  I will be with you.”  I think this means that we don’t have to worry about having too many demands and pressures of the world. Because He will be with us holding us up. 

When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.”  To mean this means even when things get rough and overwhelming to us He’ll be there again holding us up and making sure to take on the load Himself as well.

When you walk through the fire of oppression,  you will not be burned up…”  Again He’s saying that no matter how much is weighing you down or trying to consume you it will not effect you because He won’t let it. Don’t you you love how when He wants to make sure you get the point He’ll have the author write them down in threes? All three of those lines are saying the same thing but a little different each time to make sure we are paying attention and knowing that HE will be there for us no matter what!

the flames will not consume you.”  Sums it all up right here. Nothing can consume us….no flames…nor worries… nor fears will touch us as long as we are with HIM each day in prayer, trust, reading the Bible, and even our actions. 

This verse is hard for me… I’ll admit it. It’s hard giving up and letting go of the edge of the pool and swim out knowing someone will be there to grab us and help us if we need it. We want to know, we want to control, and we want a certainty….We can’t have that certainty until we let go of those first two i think and I think i’m going to be working on those from now on.

I hope you enjoyed reading this!

Frog

Broken But Not…

letterhead2

    As I’ve stated in previous blog posts, my husband and I went through a really difficult time several years ago. We are finally working on it and seems to be working. But there was a time i was just BROKEN!! I cried for days…loudly, quietly…I did so while screaming into my pillow, I shamed him and myself with hateful words and bitter venom. All it did was tear us more a part. I was hurting and i didn’t know how to talk with him anymore.

Well one night as a last ditch effort we went to a group thing called ReEngage…It seemed ok and so we joined and started to work. Then during one of the group session parts they played this song by Casting Crowns called Broken Together. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhxELo-uD3c ) <this is the official music video for it>  I thought how true this is! The whole song is about being broken and chasing dreams and fairy tale endings but really in the end aren’t we just two broken people trying to make it work?

Then this last month i watched an online study about marriage by Andy Stanley called IMarriage.(you can find it on youtube too)  Wow was it an eye opener! What stayed with me the most was when he said something about how if a desire of our heart is causing us pain and anxiety we need to go to the Lord and say to HIM..”Lord, this desire is important to me. It’s causing me so much pain. I’m giving it to you.” He states at one point that God wants to grant us the desires of our hearts but we need to bring them to him daily and wait on HIS time.

The reason i bring these two things up is because i realized i had desires, I would hint at them or turn them into expectations for my husband to fill up and do.. see the problem? I was bringing them to the wrong person! This led to a lot of brokenness. I still  today have these desires and still feel broken in this area….but it’s different now…i KNOW who to bring it to this time, and it’s the one person who truly knows and understands brokenness!

And with that it brings us to our verse which is about Brokenness. 🙂 see what i did there? LOL!

verse

   The verse i have today is Galations 2:20 NLT version:

“My old self has been crucified with Christ.[a] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Let me start with that first sentence. “My old self has been crucified with Christ…” To me that word crucified really sticks out. To truly understand this word i went back to Luke 22-23 and John 18-19 to read about Jesus’ Crucifixion. If you’re not familiar with those chapters, read over them..it’s very enlightening. SO through that reading i learned how painful that way of dying is. When i hear that my old self or “old way of life” has been “crucified” with Christ…it just tells me that the transition is not going to be fun and games. People might yell at you, make fun of you, bosses may give you a hard time, loved ones may shun you….but this is WITH Christ. He’s done it already…he was ridiculed, beaten, broken, and most of all…loved ones turned their backs on HIM. No one but Jesus could understand the pain we may go through!

“…It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me..” Again I’m drawn to certain words, “no longer I who live” ….wow. Now i don’t think this means who we are dies….no no. We’ll still have those heart desires, we’ll still feel the draw of our passions like music, drawing, numbers, computers…no what i think they are talking about here is all the bad stuff. Our sins of our past, the overwhelming desire to do wrong, the way we used to look at the world or just people that were around us. Once all of that is gone then Christ (Holy Spirit) can come in and be there with us always. Whispering to us when making decisions, lifting us up when we feel like falling, but most of all being there so that we are NEVER truly alone! That makes me feel so much better knowing that I’ll never truly be alone again!

So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God” This here i feel like it is summed up in the last part… trusting in the Son of God….By trusting in Him i will be able to go through life a lot better.

And lastly… “..who loved me and gave himself for me.”  I believe this goes into the common verse of “He loved us so much He gave His one and only Son to die for us.” Not only did God love us so much but Jesus HIMSELF loved us sooooo much that He went through that painful process physically, emotionally, and mentally for US. I mean…who else would do that for me? We say things like “I’d die for you” but do we mean it? Most of the time…NO.

      So in a nut shell… because Christ was crucified I can know that i will have help to live this earthly life until the day He calls me home. Now I know you all are probably wondering what this has to do with my brokenness and marriage i had talked about in the beginning of this. But don’t you see…. if i had had this verse when i was broken and crying, i would’ve know that i wasn’t alone… that Christ knows what my pain feels like and wants to comfort me? Oh how this would’ve saved me so many nights of pain. Oh how this will help me in the future to know that these heart desires are just as important to God as they are to me and that He will be with me through the pain and hurt until the time they may be answered.  Just gotta also remember that my answer may not be 100% what i WANT it to be.

Frog

Happiness….

Blog Logo

   So today, on Facebook, Dave Ramsey’s page posted an article that i read and it sounded good… and then as i kept reading i just had this feeling of “wait, what? that ain’t right!”  (here is the article http://christywright.com/2015/06/5463/?ectid=fb.dr.nf )

   Ok so it starts out about this slogan a company had… about how you don’t flirt when he looks good…but when you do.

blue man

First off if you’re married you are to be only flirting with your spouse and she kinda makes it seem like it’s ok to just flirt with anyone. That makes me mad! If you flirt with a married person it is in NO WAY INNOCENT!!!!!! You hurt many people when you do that! You get the guy thinking about something else…. you tempt him! Of course you’ll be saying “well if he really loves her it won’t matter”…. ok if you dangle a steak in front of an animal long enough they are going to go for it. DUH! You hurt that wife… she starts to think about how unworthy of love she must be, how she must be ugly, how she must of messed up, and on and on it goes… the reverse can be said about men too…they worry about these same things! If there are kids involved they wonder too about how they must not have been good enough or done things right. NEVER FLIRT WITH A MARRIED PERSON!!!!  If a married person hits on you…shame on them and you tell them they are sick and go your way.(sorry pet peeve…stepping down from my soapbox)

  Then as you go on back to the article you read more about how you don’t do such and such if another person feels a certain way but when YOU do. Well wow… so i guess i shouldn’t take care of my kids unless i feels good? but then she puts a little spin in there about how that and some other things are supposed to be our responsibilities and need to do them despite how we feel… but wait…she just said…. I started getting confused at this point.

And then she goes back into talking about how we need to take care of ourselves and that it shouldn’t be a luxury item but a sure thing.

moving

Oh yes we do need to take care of ourselves…but not to become happy… to to sit here and go “ok i’ll be happy if…” there is a lot of ways that can end badly. I grew up with that mind set…. things will make me happy no one else is going to make me happy… GOD doesn’t care if i’m happy…He’s an angry God…a Vengeful God….I can’t go to him for my happiness.

I’m finally learning that is not true… He is a Caring and Loving God… He is fair and just…yes things don’t make sense when they first happen sometimes but later on they will. There is that good and evil out there… we have FREE WILL granted to us…we can choose to be happy by things or be happy with moments and Faith.

Some of my happiest times are not with things but more with the memories i have with my kids… the little signs here and there that God IS there watching out for me….and with my spouse figuring things out together.

So i guess what i’m getting at is that sure yes we need to take car of ourselves like she said… but don’t make that you’re number one way to get your happiness as you’ll be really disappointed in the long run with that.

Anyways… just my thoughts on that….

Frog

Marriage…

Blog Logo

   Marriage is hard! Why didn’t anyone tell me this?! hmmm maybe they did and i thought ” of course it’s hard for you but it won’t be for me!” Yeah i was a naive little thing!

work

  My husband and i have been officially married now for 8 years! EIGHT YEARS! Good grief where has the time gone? We didn’t get a “Honeymoon” period at all… i was a single mom and at the time “J” was only 2 and a half years old… we had to jump right into the game. We did! We moved from Indiana to Texas and i was over the moon happy! I didn’t have friends there and there were so many bad memories that i was just excited to be rid of the place. I knew i would miss my family but didn’t realize how much! That first year of marriage was ok. We welcomed our second child, we moved, we found a babysitter in our area, you know that kinda stuff. The second year was the pits! My husband’s work needed him to travel and what was supposed to be a 2 month thing turned into a SIX MONTH thing… So for six months my husband was somewhere else….he came home for a few days once a month during that time. I learned to take care of the kids and finances the best i could… i did chores and just about  everything. I felt totally alone…like i was a single parent again…but i wasn’t. I was in this limbo of sorts trying to figure things out.

girl_yelling_at_father

   Finally he came home for good and we got out of our rental and moved to where we are now… i thought hey everything is going to be awesome now! HA! oh man was i in for another kicker! Things fell downward fast after this. We resented each other for different things… he wanted susie homemaker…i wanted someone to be by my side and help me. He wanted to have another kid right away… i wanted to wait and get things figured out before that. The resentment built, anger simmered and then boiled. Words were yelled, doors slammed, and night where i slept on the couch because i didn’t want to be near this person. It got to a point where my health just started going down the tubes too… it was horrible. Then the lightning stuck… it was awful! I couldn’t breathe…. i wanted to throw up but couldn’t… my heart was ripped out of my chest…and then i said things i regret to this day but i wanted him to hurt! I wanted him to have his heart and mind to hurt as badly as mine did at that point and time. I took my ring off and told him “i’m done”. I was walking away i had my foot out the door but he pleaded for us to try again. I said i would think about it.

tears

   A week later while he was on his what would be his last trip for quite some time, i was just broken down and didn’t know what to do. They had just started showing our Church service online and i hopped on there to watch hoping for some answers or peace of some kind. The guy in charge of it said “if you have anything you need special prayer for or need advice please feel free to message myself or one of the other hosts”. I did it…i sent a message saying what was going on and i just didn’t know what to do from there. He immediately messaged back and it lead to my husband and i sitting in his office, once he got back, listening to him and him to us… then he offered to help us with some counseling! Our church has a Counseling Center in it… and he hooked us up with them and we started attending. It wasn’t fun or pretty, She asked us hard questions and made us talk civilly to one another. During all this i got a kick in the stomach news that i needed to have a hysterectomy but we wanted one more kid… so we tried and tada!  Of course when you’re pregnant and trying to work through emotional things it’s bad. but it worked out fine, it took a long time, but we are finally on a good road.

wedding-ring

   Now i share all this not to humiliate my husband or myself but to say “look this is how bad it was… this is where we came from..but this is not where we are at anymore.”  I think Hollywood has made it seem ok to divorce your spouse as soon as you have a little hiccup in your marriage or if you just “don’t feel in love” it’s ok to leave that union. It’s not ok… i mean that’s why the vows say what they say. “Not to be taken lightly” “Speak now or forever hold your peace” “let no man break apart” I mean these vows are serious!

   I do say there are things that warrant a divorce and i’m not here to point a finger and say “shame on you”, nope, not what i’m doing. I’m hoping that someone out there that is thinking about getting married see this and goes “man well am i really ready for this?” or maybe someone out there is going through a really hard time and maybe they need to hear this too. So that’s why i write this out tonight.

Now here is what i have learned. Marriage is work. You can’t just keep living the life you have been doing… now it’s time for you to think of the other person more then yourself. Putting them as number one in this relationship (if you are a follower of Christ, He should always be number one and then your spouse, just saying) and trying to learn that person. What makes them happy, sad, mad? Read the 5 Love Languages Book that is out there…umm another one is Love and Respect… and Fall in Love Stay in Love. All three of these books helped our marriage when it was falling apart… but maybe they can help someone out there before that point.

Americans_at_work_clipart_kids-1md400trans

   Do not under any circumstance go into marriage thinking “oh that’s bad but i’m sure over time i can change that person”. NO! I’m sorry but all you will do is hurt yourself, that person, and the relationship will probably crumble. In a marriage you can only work and change YOU! that’s it… no one else. That whole free will thing… yeah that is totally there.

  Get into a support group of some kind. I think having a healthy support group of people is a good key for marriage too. If you go to Church look for a sunday school class, we call it life group, or if you don’t go to church find a Church that offers classes open to the public. I know ours has many classes, recovery groups, and so on open for the public… they just want to make sure you get plugged in or get help if you need it.

  Lastly… counseling! Very good thing to do before and after getting married. Even if it’s just for a Marriage Checkup. It gets that third person in there to help mediate and ask questions you may not have thought about. Look for a councilor that helps you but is not pushy, or lets one person walk all over the issue. Also be careful of those councilors that try to run your marriage for you. They are to give advice and steer both of you onto a more healthy path… not tell you how to live every day.

Again i hope this helps someone. I’m not an expert at all… i’m not a councilor..I’m just a woman that’s been there and done that and wants to share so it might help someone else out there.

Frog

Christianity or Discipleship….

letterhead2

Ok i know that this is one of those controversial topics… and you know what…this is what i think and how i feel. I don’t want to get in a fight all i want to do is write out how i feel about this and have it there for someone if they are feeling the same way. (little note: if you leave a vulgar and just down right nasty comment on this it WILL be deleted or flagged.  You can have your opinions but nastiness will not be tolerated!)

When i was a little girl i heard the stories, sang the songs, did the plays, even went and got baptized. But i believe i truly did not know what that meant at that time. I think i was just wanting to make people happy…. I looked around and saw the two-faced people, the liars, the pornography junkies,  thieves, and so on still doing all this stuff but calling themselves Christians. I was so sickened by this i turned my back a total 180 degrees and said “i’m not a Christian anymore! I don’t want anything to do with them!” And for a while i felt that was right… but i still felt empty and alone. I tried dating “Christian” men and they treated me like dirt…worse then dirt. So i tried dating the opposite…guess what? They treated me so horribly i just wanted to end it.

christian-clip-art-MKTj4LAiq

     But through it all i still yearned for something… anything… that would make me feel loved again. After 7 years of abuse from the men population i said “NO MORE! I’m not dating, i’m not looking!” But it didn’t last. I thought a man was what i needed. I finally found a wonderful man and he’s an amazing husband and father to my kids. But that’s a different story.  I met a guy that invited me to a more upbeat Church and it just so happened to have service on my one free night and so i went… i liked the feel of it and the times fit for my work. I started going without him and just went for myself… i was looking and searching… i knew my life had to mean something and that someone had to care.  In the course of that year i gave myself back to God and thought it’ll be better now. HA! I keep forgetting about that verse that PROMISES hardship when you are a Follower of Christ.

8b439f9ea13681e88dd2182a0cb1b324

       About 6 months later i marry my husband and we have our first child together. (During all this i was a single mom of a toddler) We also moved from Indiana to Texas….I was so excited to get out of Indiana that i didn’t stop and think of what it would be like to have no family or friends around. That first year was hard… like oh man what have we done hard! I found myself slipping back into old ways and becoming resentful and bitter and just down right mean! The Church we were going to had a good service but had nothing to help us get into it more so…no bible studies, no sunday school classes, and most of all they had no resources available to us when our marriage started to falter. It wasn’t for us. At this time a friend invited us to her Church and i started attending and took my husband as soon as he got back from a business trip. We liked it. We’ve been going now for almost 4 years and it feeds us and we’re learning a lot. Not only that but it has helped us stay married.

chrch0

       This Church has helped me realize that i can’t keep looking at what other people are doing with THEIR walk.. I got to look at mine and go “am i happy with what i’m doing? am i showing the example that i know i should?” There was a lesson that was given and it talked about how “Christian” is only used 3 times in the Bible…but “Disciple” is used many times. In the Bible most people called themselves Followers of the Way or Disciple and only people that didn’t know what was happening called them Christians. I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I mean really anyone and everyone can call themselves a Christian, goodness i’ve heard stories of businesses and people doing just that so they can become rich! But can we call ourselves a Disciple? A teacher? A Follower of the Way? What do our actions say?

www.breadonthewaters.com

Don’t get me wrong…doing the right thing is hard…specially in this time of craziness. I’m not saying we need to be perfect…only one person is perfect and he died for us. i’m saying i want for myself to try my best to do the right thing and lean on a person that loves me unconditionally and asks for nothing in return but my trust and faith in Him…. wow. I want to be a teacher to my kids…that times are going to be hard…but we can make it good or we can sit and wallow in our misery. I want to teach my kids that God is a loving and kind person and not someone that sits there and hates you and does things to you to make life harder on purpose….

Maybe none of this makes sense… maybe i’m just rambling on and on… but hopefully someone reads and goes… wow yeah that!

Frog