To Do, Or Not…



God is showing me that I need to wait on Him. I don’t want to settle anymore. Why would I want to settle with just getting by when He has sooo much better waiting for me? All I have to do is reach out, and strive for listening to the Holy Spirit. I mean…it’s that easy! Then why do I make it so hard? Why do I always seem to take the easy road? Why do I just “settle” when I know that’s not what I want?

That brings to mind the verse I love hearing and reading…

Romans 7:15-20 New International Version (NIV)

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Even Peter…one of Jesus’ main 3 friends, prophets, disciples, struggled with this. God knew we would still struggle, just like Peter, so He made sure to have this verse written just for us.

Even as Believers, we strive for what is good, right, and the truth, but we still live in this world where sin dwells and tempts us. To me this verse isn’t saying I have a free pass to just go ahead and “do it” but reminding me to be more on guard for these things, and not to be too hard on myself when I mess up.

Jesus knows what temptation, and this world is like. He lived here. He laughed, cried, and loved. Not in a romantic type…but He loved his family on Earth, He loved his friends. He is such a good example to me about how to love others, even when they or myself mess up.  We are called not to judge, that’s God’s job.  I’m learning that I don’t want to do God’s job, it’s hard, it’s stressful, it can make you physically sick.

Nope I’m happy I don’t have to do His job.

This verse…. it reminds me to be honest with myself. So I’m going to keep working on things like:

  • Daily Bible Reading
  • Nonstop Prayer
  • Not letting Food control me
  • Putting a better filter on my mind
  • And Loving Others Better

That last one is really hard right now. I so want to get to know and love some amazing people. But I’m still hurting and it’s made me a little hand shy… But! I’m going to work on it!

If you take anything away from this…know this. True Believers…they are all those things of loving, nonjudgmental, giving and so on….but are not perfect! They’re the ones that are open about how broken they were, their actions match with their words, but most of all when they mess up they are quick to ask for forgiveness.  Don’t listen to those out there that say you have to be a certain way!! Jesus said to “come as you are” so never let how you look, where you’re at, what you have done….stop you from finding God’s Love.

Because….God’s Love is more amazing than anything else you will experience in your life! It’s not going to be easy afterwards. It’ll be harder. You’ll still have trails, you’ll still have all that…but man…the Peace, Wisdom, and Strength God gives to His children is…. I don’t know how to describe it…. I guess it’s like a breathe of fresh air after being stuck in a room filled with 2 month old manure. HA HA!!

Praying for you, Dear Readers…..






Sorry for being quiet! The past month or so has been very hard and had trial after trial hit me hard. At one point I had given someone so much power over myself that I was having suicidal thoughts, things were so dark and awful I knew I needed help! And I got it. The past 6 weeks I’ve been focusing on healing and recovering my brokenness.

I’ve learned many things about myself and I’m kinda disgusted with myself. So I’m working on forgiving me and also God.

That’s right… I’m trying to trust God once again. I know He is there reaching out to me, I know that if i reach my hand out His will be there to grab me and pull me close. But, I have to take that first step again, and it’s a scary one.

Do I really want to give up control? Do I want to trust that God has everything I ever need? I mean I sooo want to do it myself! But, I can see that by me doing it it has gotten me no where. Actually, by me doing it I have put myself in this deep dark hole that I’ve been trying to climb out of like in the movie “Whinnie the Pooh”.  Where they try to trap a Backson, they dig a deep hole, which they all end up in, and they sit at the bottom telling Piglet to help them but He doesn’t understand, Owl could fly each one out but is too self adsorbed to help out,  finally letters appear and Pooh forms a ladder and everyone can get out.

God is pulling me out of that hole, He’s forming that ladder for me. I’m in a lot better place then I once was, I still stumble a bit, but I’m taking each day at a time.


I have a verse that someone gave me, It has been a lifeline for me lately with all the heartache with these trials.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  ~Ephesians 6:10-13

How true that is! My struggle is not with that person, or my husband, or my kids…. but with the dark world that surrounds us.

I’m also learning on how to better put on the Armor of God…. First I need to get into the Word more so that I can have Truth to speak. I am also learning how to pray for others….and not just myself.

So Dear reader…I am praying for you, May you find what you are looking for, May you have peace and wisdom for whatever may be coming your way….and May God Bless you in all you do!


The First Terror…



I’ve been struggling with getting alone time with my reading.  I hear my alarm go off in the morning and all i want to do is smash it with a heavy object.  I know it’s my depression trying to take root, whenever I’m depressed i just want to curl up in bed and never get up. It’s safe there, no one can hurt me but myself. And man i’m good at that! You know…hurting myself. not physically… but mentally. “how could i be so stupid?” “why did i say that?” “why did i react that way?” “i’m just so fat and ugly, why would my husband stay?” “my kids hate me, I’m such a mess up!”  I’m down right brutal to myself!!

Why is this important to the reading?  I’m giving you a glimpse to me, I’m not perfect. I make mistakes… I have things in my life that can cloud my judgment. So i want to make sure, don’t just read this and say, ahhh ok got it that’s what that means or cool now i don’t have to read it. No no…please read it too! dive into those verses and see how they talk to you! Because what these words say to me will be different then what they say to you.

Now… The first terror, is also the 5th Trumpet. I thought it interesting that it is called two things.  Chapter 9 starts off with the angel blowing the trumpet and then is says “and I saw a star that had fallen to earth from the sky, and he was given the key to the shaft of the bottomless pit.” (niv)  Whoa… wait…a star is a he? I had to read this verse several times, still it made no sense, so i went to a different translation. “and I saw a star fall from heaven unto the earth: and to him was given the key of the bottomless pit.” King James Version. Still the same! Ugh!


Then i remembered my DH told me about Blue Letter Bible that can help me get the true background on the word. So i looked up this verse on there and this is what i found. The word star the root they used was this “ἀστήρ” “astēr”….looking further it is a masculine noun.  oh, ok. Well then. so not an “Actual star”.  I looked up some commentaries and they go back and forth that it is an Angel that is doing as God asks, or it could be a Fallen Angel, or even THE Fallen Angel…Lucifer.  Once i knew it’s not a star that sprouted hands but a “person” the rest of the reading made sense. And he opened the bottomless pit; and there arose a smoke out of the pit, as the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by reason of the smoke of the pit.”(kjv)

So I’m thinking at this point He’s opening the gates of Hell, or maybe just opening the bottom of the Abyss in the ocean.  All we know is that it’s a furnace of some sort, so that means it’s hot, smoke is filling up everything thing around and you’d think that’s bad enough right? Nope! And out of the smoke locusts came down on the earth and were given power like that of scorpions of the earth. ”  Well that escalated quickly!

The rest of the verses tell of how the locusts were not to harm anything put the people still on earth that did not have the seal of God on their foreheads, That they would sting and bite and torture for FIVE MONTHS! (another time frame, interesting) It says that they will beg for death but death will flee from them! Their stings will feel like scorpion stings….but they will not die from it. I tried to imagine scorpion venom pain and not being able to get away from it for 5 months and I just couldn’t do it.

I started asking myself how is this important to me? Why is God wanting me to look and read Revelation? What is he trying to teach me?  This morning I had a break through.  I knew… it made me cry but i knew it was what i needed as a wake up call.  See… I’ve talked about suffering from depression, I’ve also talked about trying to commit suicide in my past.  I feel that God is showing me, things could be so much worse! He knew I was going to hit a low that had me clawing for light, He knew that I was going to entertain those thoughts once again: He had a plan…He was going to show me, life is messy, life is HARD!!! But it’s nothing compared to those that will still be on the Earth during the End.

So even though I cried out to Him to just take me once again, I have his answer right here… “No. I still have plans for you.”  and I have a promise for those plans…

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I told my DH about my thoughts, I told God about my thoughts… They have both been working on me to show me that I am loved and wanted…and important.  I learned early on that those Suicide Hotlines are not all they are cracked up to be, if you get someone that cares and has been there…awesome. But must times they just tell you to admit yourself and that’s it. Not the best. I have learned that you need a safe person. Someone that will lean into you, hold you, and truly care. Because you can tell when someone truly cares or not, their body language tells a better story then anything else. And if you need, send me a message, I know, I’ve been there…I’m still there. Hang in there!!


God is our Father, He is going to love us, be firm with us, and so on. He wants what is best for us….but sometimes (specially for me) He needs to be super firm, and show love, but also tell us to “suck it up, cupcake”. For myself I know i have a TON to work on…. but the gentle whispering to my heart reminds me nothing i can do will take His love for me away….except my own actions… I can take MYSELF away from Him. I don’t want that.


Anyways, that is what i got from this this week. The rest of the verses tell about the locusts and how they look. I thought that was pretty interesting, I dusted off my pencils and started sketching it out, got a lot of improvements to make but for not having drawn in 2 years…not bad!


I’m still doing research for the other 2 terrors… Maybe I’ll learn something even more from that! Never take my word for it….always research! The Bible has so much it wants to teach us…dive right on in! Sending love to all you dear readers out there!!



The Trumpets…


I have to say that this last week has been a roller coaster. But it’s been a good and amazing roller coaster! I’m sticking with no more social media for myself. I mean my posts still post there but I’m no longer looking at the news feeds and kinda handed DH and I’s joint account over to him. 🙂 It’s been wonderful! “M” and I play games, watch tv, or I’ll spend time here typing while he works on his imagination (quiet play time or working on his letters).

This last week was kinda hard as “J” was down for the count with the Flu, It’s absolutely horrible this year! I was worried sick that he was going to develop pneumonia again, his chest sounded so bad! Thankfully they got him on super strong cough/expectorant meds. Unfortunately this stuff seemed to turn him into an energizer bunny instead of making him sleepy LOL!

Why am I typing all this? What does this have to do with the Trumpets in Revelation? I’ll tell you…. With each one a Third of something is going to die.  From humans to objects in the sky. It made my think of my 3 boys….One is  Saved, but struggles with doing the right thing, I have one that is devouring the scripture every night reading it, asking tons of questions that forces me to study harder, but he refuses to claim God. Then I have my youngest… he’s not old enough to know what is all this information, but he’s learning and if you spend time with him at one point he’ll tell you about “the angel tell Mary, she had a baby”

As parents we want our kids to believe like us. I’m very laid back about it, though we do have a rule that they must attend Church with us, we do not force anything else on them. We answer questions and we tell them why it’s important to us. I could go into a whole big thing about this really, but the gist of it is that because i believe in the Bible and that the whole Bible is true, I worry about my kids and the times that have to come. I think about the Trumpets and such; that a Third of everything is going to be dieing, that at one point those that are alive will beg for death and I think of my kids going through that and it breaks my “mommy heart” so much!


There is not much put with each one but I’ll try to give my 2 cents too.

So with that….The First Trumpet. I don’t know who is going to do the throwing, but it does state that Hail and Fire mixed with Blood will be “thrown” down on to the Earth. I mean…umm hail and fire ok, but mixed with blood? That just went to a different level. One third of the earth will be on fire. Seeing as a lot of the Earth is water already that means a third of the land right? So maybe the size of North America, or even add in South America for good mearsure. That much of land just burning. Then on top of that a third of the tress will be destroyed and all the green grass. This is important, Trees and plants are what make oxygen for us to breathe, so that means if there are people still here it’s going to start getting hard to take a breath. Slowly suffocating. *shudders*

I’m a visual thinker. As i read something my brain rapidly makes up a picture for me to see in my head that is realistic.  As i read these lines i pictured people suffering and then it brought my kids in the picture and for a moment “I” couldn’t breathe.

Then I read the Second Trumpet. A mountain…seriously…a MOUNTAIN of FIRE is thrown into the Sea. I’ve been watching Octonauts with my kiddo, and it made me think of under water volcanoes and thermal vents. Heating up to the point that the water would be boiling. It says that the Sea would become Blood, probably from the fact a third of the sealife is killed and ships are destroyed…. I knew i didn’t like to be on the water for a reason! *cough* Actually i can’t swim so i just stay on dry land, thank you.

For the Third Trumpet a giant star that burns like a torch falls to the earth touching a third of the rivers and streams. It has a name, says so in the Bible. Some translations say Wormwood, and others say “Bitterness”, they are the same thing. Which is appropriate seeing as all the river and streams it touches turns the water bitter.  It also states that anyone that drinks of the bitter water would die as well.


I have to say that this gave me pause. I got to thinking that Jesus when alive on earth, called Himself the “Living Water”, it’s the story about Him and the woman at the Well in chapter 4 of the book of John. It’s a good read! Check it out! But anyways. How true it is that Jesus/God can give us Life giving Water, and if we drink of the Bitterness that is so common it slowly kills us. I’m learning quickly how much Bitterness i still have for a lot of people in my past and how it is affecting me here today.  Just like it says in Revelation 8:11 “and many people died from drinking the bitter water.” It reminded me not to drink of the bitter water, but of the Living Water that i have free access to.

Ok back to the Fourth Trumpet…

This one effects the sky. but it’ll effect those on earth too. If there is not enough heat you freeze, if you have too much heat you burn. (i mean the earth is already burning but still) A third of the sun, moon, and the stars go dark.  Then on top of this a third of the day and night are also dark. So much darkness. It makes me think of how dark things look when we close God out of our lives. The comedian Michael Jr. said that some of us put God in the “Good room”; you know that room that is right inside of the front door that no one is allowed to go into under penalty of “mom” or “grandma”. The rest of the house is a mess! But that one room is perfect and Jesus is only allowed there. I LOVED this visual for myself. if i have bitterness then how am i letting Jesus into all of my life?  Anyways… that’s what it got me thinking about.

This chapter ends with a warning…. a warning that sends chills up your spine. I’m learning that reading Revelation is not for the faint of heart, and also NOT to be read right before bed…. did that mistake once. Never again! The nightmares were horrible. I’m sticking to the morning time, might be heavy for then but yeah….much better!


The warning:

13 Then I looked, and I heard a single eagle crying loudly as it flew through the air, “Terror, terror, terror to all who belong to this world because of what will happen when the last three angels blow their trumpets.”” Rev. 8:13

Think of it… the only sounds are flames crackling, people crying (those still alive), a lot of the stars are now missing so the sky is even more quiet, if you’re still alive and all of a sudden you hear a cry of “terror” being yelled…. i mean the only word that comes to mind is “hopelessness”.  It’s make me not want to belong to the world anymore that’s for sure!

Some might think “well this was drepressing”. You’re right! Revelation is not a book of happiness in the beginning. But remember…the ending is always the same God prevails, and those that follow Him and call Him their Savior will win in the end. The ending is that Happily Ever After that we all look for.

I hope this didn’t freak you out too much. Hopefully i didn’t get too off track too much. HAHA! Thanks for reading my silly prose. 🙂


The Seals…



I have learned that right now God is trying to teach me something. So I’m spending a crazy amount of time in the Word (as much as my kids will let me), surrounding myself with worship music. I find He whispers to me more through songs on the radio, I think He knows this is my Love Language with Him. Not in some weird, loosing my mind kinda way. HA! But it’s how i can hear words of encouragement the most.

Anyways this has given me time to dive into the 3 final seals, remember the first 4 are the Horsemen, now we see glimpses into Heaven and Earth at the same time from here. It can be confusing as to where the Author(John) is at every now and then. But one thing is for sure, I don’t want to be on Earth after the Seals are done.

This could get into a debate about when the Tribulation is going to happen. Let me point you to the beginning again Rev1:19 “Write down what you have seen—both the things that are now happening and the things that will happen.” Some of this has already happened, so the Tribulation can not happen at the beginning, now can it? Maybe at the beginning of the severe suffering? Maybe… But I think I lean to it happening more towards the middle. 


When I left off last time we talked about this The Rider “Death” and “Hades/the Grave” his companion had been released onto the earth. I mean what could be worse than that?

The 5th Seal is broken, nothing bad happens here. The souls that had been martyred cry out to the Lord from at the foot of the alter, asking when they will be avenged. They are given White Robes…ok i have to be honest, i pictured in my head white snuggies and bunny slippers, in the middle of all this terrible things my mind wanted me to picture something silly. I’m sure they are stunningly white, the kind of robes that maybe priests or royalty wore at one time.

But their question is also answered, they are told to rest for a bit longer (snuggie, seriously hahaha), but the reason why is a sobering one. “until the full number of their brothers and sisters[f]—their fellow servants of Jesus who were to be martyred—had joined them.” uhmm…. what? As i read this line i had a feeling of ice water being poured over me. If you’ve never experienced that… you become instantly wake, alert, and your whole body goes into shock (spasms). Yet more need to be martyred.

I knew when i gave my life to Christ that this might be asked of me one day. No one wants to die, not this way especially.  Last night as i was driving, i was thinking about this. I knew it, I knew trials would be given to me…. i KNEW that by being a FOLLOWER of Christ life would be harder, but yet so fulfilling if i just let go of that “steering wheel of control”.  It was a pretty “light bulb moment” for me, i guess i haven’t given Him full control just yet, gonna work on that.



The 6th Seal is broken by the Lamb that was Slain. As it is broken an earthquake great in size happens, then the sky begins to change. I love the imagery John brings into this. It says the Sun was as dark as Black Cloth, the Moon as red as blood. Then the stars start to fall to earth like figs shaken from their tree in a strong wind. (i looked up videos on youtube, pretty neat!…and scary) He goes on to say that “the sky rolled up like a scroll, the mountains and islands moving”, if you’re not sure how that looks i imagine thinking along the lines of a play curtain moving out of the way and the props shifted for the main show to start.

It swings to the people on earth, EVERYONE, no matter skin, station, or anything all hide in caves and BEG for death, crying “the Day of the Lambs Wrath has come!” Ya’ll seriously, at one point our outward appearance or money status is not going to matter…we’re all going into those caves and going to BEG for death before the Lamb has His wrath.

Before the last Seal is broken we see a scene where an Angel comes and tells the 4 standing at the 4 corners to wait. He is going to put the seal of the Living God on the chosen, or the 144,000 that we’ve heard about. If you haven’t these are the 12,000 persons from each of the 12 tribes of Israel.

After this we cut back up to Heaven, were a great crowd in white robes and waving palm branches. It says that these have washed their robes in the blood of the Lamb, now they are white. But it also states where they came from… the tribulation, “the suffering”. ahhh we haven’t heard of this happening but it does state that these people/souls are from that time. The most we know is that this happens before the 7th Seal is broken. That’s it. We can make ourselves go crazy trying to figure it out but remember God is the only one that knows the “true” time.

He breaks the 7th Seal, there is utter silence through out Heaven. At first i thought this said through out the Heavens and Earth…but no just the Heavens. But is the Heavens go quiet that is still going to be a very unsettling time. Which they give an amount of time here, one half hour. For 30 minutes (Earth or Heaven time not sure) there won’t even be a pin dropping up there. We see 7 angels come to the throne and are given trumpets. But before that another comes holding an incense burner.

He is given a great amount of incense to mix with God’s people’s prayers, and at the Golden Alter they are poured out as the smoke ascends to God who is above the alter. But he’s not done, he takes the fire that is on the alter and puts it into the incense burner. From there the angel throws it on to the earth. Immediately there are bellows of thunder and crashes of lightning, and another terrible earthquake.  It doesn’t say that the Earth catches fire but…. that’s still pretty intense!!


You would think that’s it. done. all the bad stuff is now gone. NOPE! Don’t forget that those angels with the 7 trumpets are there. And they are waiting…. for what? I read a little further and it looks like something is going to happen after each one. Fun!! 🙂

I want to say that from here there is no time given for WHEN things happen but there are times given for HOW LONG they are to happen. I thought that interesting and they are pretty exact too.

I hope this stirs some interest into you for reading Revelation and getting you’re own thoughts about it.





Today I did a bit of a detour, I knew i needed to. So i looked up what the Bible says about Conflict. I put into biblegateway search “conflict”. Every reference to that word i looked it up. I read the context, I looked around in other verses. I needed to hear these words. I needed to look at them and have them wash over me and judge my heart. I wanted to make sure if i needed to right something that i did so, but in a Bible honoring way.  (Galatians 6:1-9)

So the first places it brought up was Proverbs. And it hit me square in the eyes, after reading more i realized Proverbs states clearly what the Attributes of a Quarrelsome person are. I’ll list some:

*Plots Evil– i took from the verses that this is thinking over and over again about it, and seeking revenge, or trying to get your way out of something. Proverbs 6:14

*False Witness– from what i read it pointed at lies, twisting events, again trying to get the outcome you want. Proverbs 6:19

*Hatred– i had to look up the definition for this word. “an intense dislike, abhorrence, wishing ill will, loathing”. Wow. that’s a pretty harsh thing. Proverbs 10:12

*Hot Tempered– Ok i cringed at this one because i have this problem a lot, I’m much better but things still set me off. This from context meant “quick to anger”, “letting anger simmer under the surface”. Proverbs 15:18

*Perverse/Gossip– I had to look these up as well  P-“(of a person or their actions) showing a deliberate and obstinate desire to behave in a way that is unreasonable or unacceptable”, and G-“casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.” In the Bible it states that this type separates people. Proverbs 16:28

*Greedy– I took this as wanting more, thinking “starved” I think we all know what greed looks like, nothing satisfies us…we crave and don’t care for the consequences. Proverbs 16:28

*Anger– self explanatory right? Definition is “a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.” Proverbs 29:22

blue man

Wow. I’m so guilty of many of these a lot of times. Who isn’t? Anger, Greed, and Gossip is so easy and even smiled upon anymore these days. It is such a temptation! Some of the other verses that showed up also helped and one of them we had just gone over in Sunday School Sunday, Galatians 5:17 :

 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”

Our words, actions, thoughts need to align with one thing, one person…. Our Holy Father. If he puts something on our hearts we need to wake up and pay attention to it! We need to dive into this book called the Bible and see what HE says before putting into action what Jesus would have us do. Look at Jesus’ actions, how did he react to a similar issue? We need to think and not just let emotions rule us. The Flesh is going to want us to be selfish every time.

I am so guilty of this! But i need to be careful. For me personally I have learned that this is a good foothold for Satan in my life. I need to be careful of how long i dwell on things, because in the end Satan wants me to feel worthless, unwanted, and separated from God. And a good way for that to happen is to tell myself it is completely my fault and it would be just better if i removed myself. Which is not what God wants.

I found a verse that touched on that subject and made my heart sing, when i have this feeling I know that God is talking to me. He’s reaching down and wrapping His arms around me as He points to my heart and says “Here, My Daughter, these are My words to you right now, it may hurt but I LOVE YOU, and want you to grow.”

I am not sorry that I sent that severe letter to you, though I was sorry at first, for I know it was painful to you for a little while. Now I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways. It was the kind of sorrow God wants his people to have, so you were not harmed by us in any way. 10 For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.”     2 Corinthians 7:8-10

Ouch…it did hurt. It hurt a lot. As i read these words tears flowed down my face, I talked with God about how I was angry because i didn’t think i did wrong, I told Him that i was tired of conflict rearing up right when i start feeling safe to let my guards down. I told Him that i was sorry for my carelessness, I’m so flippant with my words, when i need to guard my tongue more. I confessed my sarcasm, and asked Him to search my heart if I had any sins that needed addressing that He show me and we both work on them together…Him forgiving and teaching, Me repenting and learning.

This morning typing this out i put in my soundproof headphones, put on my worship music and soaked in it. As i type this only uplifting words are being poured into my mind and soul. Songs have been coming onto my radio list that i normally don’t get, like Francesca Battistelli “He Knows My Name” & “Write Your Story”, 7eventh Time Down “The One I’m Running To”, Hawk Nelson “Diamonds”, Newsboys “Born Again”.They all seemed to scream to me:



I’m going to keep going to Him for everything. I’m sure I’ll mess up again but I’m going to learn, and grow, and shout from the rooftops how He is working in me. I can’t wait to see what plan he has for me. I know it’s going to be amazing.

Sorry for being so intense today but this is what he’s put on my heart. I hope it speaks into you dear reader  and brings you growth and peace.  I encourage to look up the verses in the Bible translation that speaks to you and read them.  Here are a couple more that spoke to me that i didn’t go into: Habakkuk 1:3, Hebrews 10: 32, also the book of Matthew has a lot of good ones too.


The Four Horsemen..



I have been doing morning Bible Study for myself. I’m not a morning person! But I find that my whole day is kinda off if i don’t spend a good 20 minutes of quiet reflection first thing. So like before I’m still in the book of Revelations. It’s a pretty heady book to study first thing in the morning! This morning i could only read a small portion as it was pretty intense!!

So last time i talked about the 7 churches and that God’s appearance is mentioned. This time I went over the 7 Seals of the Scroll.

The only person worthy to break these Seals, was the Slain Lamb (Jesus).

Let me say this disclaimer: “I believe that Jesus was not just a carpenter, prophet, good person… I believe that he was/is the one and only Son of God…I believe He was blameless, and died for us.”

Ok now that we got that covered. The first part of the Seals is the Four Horsemen.

The White Horse

I learned that there are many different ideas on what this Rider means, he could be the Anti-Christ, could be an angel to bring victory to God, some say Pestilence (disease). But i don’t agree with that last one…since itng along with one of the other Horsemen.  I kinda am torn between the first two. I do know that this Rider is given a Crown. To me that means he is given authority, he doesn’t already have it. It says the Rider carries a Bow and wins many battles.  We’re left with the question “what kind of battles? Good or Bad?” All we know for sure is that this Rider is a Conqueror. My thoughts is that it’s for the Good, why would this one do something that another Horseman will do? Just my thought.

The Red Horse

Ok I think we can all agree that this one is war. The Rider carries a sword, and the horse is Fiery Red, I can picture it a coppery Chestnut horse with flames coming from it’s mane,tail, and hooves.  Again it says this Rider is “Given” authority. This time to TAKE peace. In the NIV translation is says that “to make people kill each other”. That’s a sobering thought. I remember that my thought was that in this time right now it would not take much for this to happen. Everyone seems to be on a hairpin trigger and easily set up. It does state that this would be happening EVERYWHERE. Not just in one or two locations.

The Black Horse

This one took me looking at two translations to figure out, since I use mainly NLT, I got a NIV as well to consult. The Rider holds a Scale, I picture one like at the hall of justice, so I’m thinking judging? Nope. If you read further is talks about barley and wheat being a full day of wages. Also not to waste oil and wine. Though it doesn’t say the name, we start to get a picture of Famine. Prices will sky rocket, the necessities of food will become more precious then money.

The Pale Horse

In NLT it says “saw a horse whose color was pale green“, maybe a ghostly green like you see in horror movies. But i thought that interesting. It’s not just a “pale” horse, but a pale GREEN horse. This is the only Rider that has a companion, and it’s not a good thing. It is also the only one that is named.  Death. And his chum the Grave, some translations says “Hades”. They were also given authority. This is where we start seeing numbers for deaths. One Fourth. That is a pretty high number. I looked it up, right now there are 7.8 BILLION people in the world. and there are people being born and dieing every day. But we’ll use that number for this. So 1/4th of the population would be…1.95 BILLION people. They would be killed by sword, famine, disease, and wild animals. That last one made me shake my head.

(My Baby done up with all 4 colors)Gypsyh


Are these all going to happen at once? Are they going to happen a little bit at a time over years, days? Minutes? We’re not given a glimpse into that answer. Remember no one… not even Jesus himself knows the hour it’s to all happen. Only God.

I do have to say that studying these made me look at the news in a different way. It also helped me to rein in my future thoughts, I need to be living in the here and now. Beacuse tomorrow is never promised.

For now this is as far as I’ve dug deep. Still got the 5th and 6th seals…and the 7th. Just gonna say, it doesn’t get better.

Hope these thoughts help someone, maybe it sparks an interest, maybe it makes you think a little bit more. Whichever, I’m glad i could share these thoughts with you.






So recently I started a study on my own of Revelations.  This book is hard! I think because no one but God is to know the exact hours for the Second Coming. But I’m also learning so much!!

Did you know that all the cities for the “Seven Churches” had major earthquakes that demolished them? The only one with intact pillar/towers and with the now a days city thriving right with the ruins is the city of Philadelphia, Turkey.  All of the Churches are on the west coast of the country of Turkey. The six other cities have now a day towns but they are built up away from the ruins and some of their names have even changed.

Here’s a little of what i learned about each Church:

Ephesus- No longer had Agape Love towards God, If did not repent God would remove their Lamp stand (very serious!)

Smyrna- Had False Jews, Would suffer, but Rich in Christ!

Pergamum- Home of Satan’s Throne, Followers were Faithful, But were Tolerating pagan teachings.

Thyatira- Followers were constantly improving but they were allowing a false prophet to sway people to sin

Sardis- Reputation for being alive (maybe partying), but they are dead to following Christ, God said they had deeds unfinished

Philadelphia- The one God Loved (Rev. 3:9), has the synagogue of Satan, they will have an open door that none can close

Laodicea- Rev 3:15 (we need to decide!) , Lukewarm, wishy washy, They valued possessions over God

Just the first 3 chapters of this book and all the historical things i dug up is WOW! But what truly was cool in finding was when i started to read Chapter 4, in my Bible it is labeled “Worship In Heaven”, Did you know it describes the appearance of God in there? Not Jesus…but God!

Right at the beginning, Jesus is telling John to come through the door and then:

At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne.

Revelation 4:2-3

Ok…this is not Jesus they are talking about, I know this because in the very next chapter it says:

 Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing at the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. The Lamb had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits[a] of God sent out into all the earth. He went and took the scroll from the right hand of him who sat on the throne.

Revelation 5: 6-7

So right there…. The Lamb is Jesus, and the one who sat on the throne is God the Father…. Isn’t that cool???!!!! God’s appearance is like that of Jasper..a Orangish Red Stone with Dark Brown veins running through it. red-jasper


And Ruby…not to be confused with garnet! Ruby has a brighter look with pink highlights…garnet is a darker, deeper red with black or brown lowlights.


And a Rainbow (all the colors) that shone like an emerald!


look how vibrant that is! It’s not even cut yet!

It sounds so amazing! I still hold to he looks like us in shape… we are made in his image after all….

After that there is an explanation on the 24 elders, 7 lamp stands, and 4 creatures called Seraphim…pretty cool descriptions of them. My one thought is how do they do it up there in Heaven and not have a headache from all the Glorious singing? Would be so nice to have here, specially with my kids! 🙂

You know…this is just what I have read, how I think it means. But feel free to look it up and give your thoughts on it!!

(i googled jasper,ruby,emerald….these photos belong to whoever…not to be used for anything else)


Thanks for Reading!





   So i can’t sleep tonight, it’s after midnight and i’m up working on making a necklace. I thought it a good thing at the time, and it was. But my mind is dancing all over with thoughts of other things and not even really on the necklace. Like “oh my goodness, did i mess up my leg? I really don’t have money to waste on an x-ray if it’s not broke really.” Then there are the thoughts about finally finding work but not having started yet and i know i just need to wait a bit longer but I’m one of those that wants to jump in and do it right away and if i can’t do it then i give up. I’m trying desperately to break that cycle.

    Also thinking about my plan for my jewelry stuff. Going to try and sell off as much as possible between the two vendor sales and then from there either gift items or try and sell them online or something. Then i switch over to my weight…. oh my! I am so angry at myself about this! I lost so much weight for a year and now it’s all back and then some! I’m like seriously sitting here crying about it. 😦  I don’t have good thoughts about myself…. and every time i try to change it with exercise or my eating habits i sabotage myself into failure.

   Then I see a verse of the day and it’s from Psalm 119 I’ve started to take the verse of the day and use it as a hook for myself to go read a part of the Bible i haven’t read before, and this is one of the ones i haven’t read before. It’s crazy long so i’m not going to post it here. It has 25 stanzas and each one has a “letter” of the Hebrew Alphabet as it’s header.  It’s pretty neat! But i sat there starting to read this i started thinking “this is me…. some thousand years ago a person wrote this and felt like i do”

     The meltdown of it is this…. We need to follow the commands that God placed into the Bible for us to read and follow. Even when bad things are happening to us…. even when we ourselves are a stumbling block we need to follow those commands/commandments. They are not just a suggestion. And there is more to them then just the “honor your mother and father”…. There’s more to it than just “Do not commit murder.” ..We need to research it and find out how God sees these commands and how HE wants us to follow through with them.

    THis is where i think convictions play a role too. Each person has their own convictions. I myself know that i can not drink alcohol really at all….I can not watch a lot of R rated movies with sex in them… I can not watch or hear about things that have realistic witchcraft or supernatural things in them (i can only watch the first 3 Harry Potter  movies…after that it’s a no go) .   See these are just a few of mine…. but i know that my friends and the people i see around me have different ones then me. They are going to follow some of these commands just a bit differently than me. And that’s ok…. in the end what matters is if we are following God’s will for ourselves.

Anyways….just my thoughts on this and that….


My Favorite Verse…


     Today I’m taking a break from blogging devotional verses. Think i might take a break tomorrow too. I am going to share with you my favorite verse that i go to when i’m having an anxiety attack or just feeling very afraid.  It means so much to me that i painted it onto my nightstand. It’s in the garage now but as soon as i figure out where i want it it’s coming back inside. Here’s a Photo of it.


 May not be the most awesome design in the world, but it works for me. 🙂


Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

    “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.”  To me this is yet another reminder from a different author that we are not to be afraid. No if ands or buts. We are NOT to be afraid. I remember someone once telling me that God did not give us a spirit of fear…He gave us a spirit of joy and PEACE. When i read that first part it just hammers in that fact more so. 🙂

      But it does tell us why we are not to be afraid. Because He is with us. How sweet is that? But i also see it as i AM with you…. sternly reminding us that now matter what he’s not leaving us.

    “Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.” So for discouraged i see that as frustrated or annoyed. We shouldn’t be frustrated or annoyed with whatever we might be facing in our lives….but the next part is a bit of a twist i think. “for I am your God” Well for me this reminds me that it’ll be easier to NOT be afraid or discouraged, frustrated, or annoyed when we call God OUR God…as in we’ve asked Him into our lives not just as a guest but as the master at the wheel.  We need to remember this part.  People are so quick to use God like a genie and grant their wishes. I’m just as guilty about this. It’s so easy to just say “God help me with this…” and then move on and do things just like we did before. Not so good. 😦

      “I will strengthen you and help you.” If we have Him as our God then we can count on Him to give us the strength…but also Peace, Joy, Love, Wisdom, and so on to deal with anything that we might have going on in our lives. He will help us, He’s going to be there to help us emotionally, spiritually, and possibly even physically if the need is there. It’s not going to come in the form of what we think it should be though, so i think that though it says He’s going to be there and do these things we need to also have our minds and hearts open to that help.

         “ I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”  If He is going to hold us up with His right hand then boy we don’t have anything to worry about at all! Think of it this way if your favorite hero comes and tells you that they are going to protect you with their right hand then you’d know that you’re all set right? I mean God is saying the same thing right here. “victorious”  Yes He’s won so many battles…. just look in exodus and such about the Israelites and getting to the promise land. He helped them so much! He even cleared the way for them in many areas. Everywhere in the Bible it talks of His victories… so we have proof and evidence that if He says that He’s going to hold us up and help us then He’s going to do it and He’s going to WIN! Just remember that it’s HIS will we need to be following…not ours.

Well there you go. My favorite verse. 🙂 Hope you enjoyed it! These are just my thoughts and ramblings..I’m no professional!