I’ve been struggling with getting alone time with my reading. I hear my alarm go off in the morning and all i want to do is smash it with a heavy object. I know it’s my depression trying to take root, whenever I’m depressed i just want to curl up in bed and never get up. It’s safe there, no one can hurt me but myself. And man i’m good at that! You know…hurting myself. not physically… but mentally. “how could i be so stupid?” “why did i say that?” “why did i react that way?” “i’m just so fat and ugly, why would my husband stay?” “my kids hate me, I’m such a mess up!” I’m down right brutal to myself!!
Why is this important to the reading? I’m giving you a glimpse to me, I’m not perfect. I make mistakes… I have things in my life that can cloud my judgment. So i want to make sure, don’t just read this and say, ahhh ok got it that’s what that means or cool now i don’t have to read it. No no…please read it too! dive into those verses and see how they talk to you! Because what these words say to me will be different then what they say to you.
Now… The first terror, is also the 5th Trumpet. I thought it interesting that it is called two things. Chapter 9 starts off with the angel blowing the trumpet and then is says “and I saw a star that had fallen to earth from the sky, and he was given the key to the shaft of the bottomless pit.” (niv) Whoa… wait…a star is a he? I had to read this verse several times, still it made no sense, so i went to a different translation. “and I saw a star fall from heaven unto the earth: and to him was given the key of the bottomless pit.” King James Version. Still the same! Ugh!
Then i remembered my DH told me about Blue Letter Bible that can help me get the true background on the word. So i looked up this verse on there and this is what i found. The word star the root they used was this “ἀστήρ” “astēr”….looking further it is a masculine noun. oh, ok. Well then. so not an “Actual star”. I looked up some commentaries and they go back and forth that it is an Angel that is doing as God asks, or it could be a Fallen Angel, or even THE Fallen Angel…Lucifer. Once i knew it’s not a star that sprouted hands but a “person” the rest of the reading made sense. “2 And he opened the bottomless pit; and there arose a smoke out of the pit, as the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by reason of the smoke of the pit.”(kjv)
So I’m thinking at this point He’s opening the gates of Hell, or maybe just opening the bottom of the Abyss in the ocean. All we know is that it’s a furnace of some sort, so that means it’s hot, smoke is filling up everything thing around and you’d think that’s bad enough right? Nope! “3 And out of the smoke locusts came down on the earth and were given power like that of scorpions of the earth. ” Well that escalated quickly!
The rest of the verses tell of how the locusts were not to harm anything put the people still on earth that did not have the seal of God on their foreheads, That they would sting and bite and torture for FIVE MONTHS! (another time frame, interesting) It says that they will beg for death but death will flee from them! Their stings will feel like scorpion stings….but they will not die from it. I tried to imagine scorpion venom pain and not being able to get away from it for 5 months and I just couldn’t do it.
I started asking myself how is this important to me? Why is God wanting me to look and read Revelation? What is he trying to teach me? This morning I had a break through. I knew… it made me cry but i knew it was what i needed as a wake up call. See… I’ve talked about suffering from depression, I’ve also talked about trying to commit suicide in my past. I feel that God is showing me, things could be so much worse! He knew I was going to hit a low that had me clawing for light, He knew that I was going to entertain those thoughts once again: He had a plan…He was going to show me, life is messy, life is HARD!!! But it’s nothing compared to those that will still be on the Earth during the End.
So even though I cried out to Him to just take me once again, I have his answer right here… “No. I still have plans for you.” and I have a promise for those plans…
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I told my DH about my thoughts, I told God about my thoughts… They have both been working on me to show me that I am loved and wanted…and important. I learned early on that those Suicide Hotlines are not all they are cracked up to be, if you get someone that cares and has been there…awesome. But must times they just tell you to admit yourself and that’s it. Not the best. I have learned that you need a safe person. Someone that will lean into you, hold you, and truly care. Because you can tell when someone truly cares or not, their body language tells a better story then anything else. And if you need, send me a message, I know, I’ve been there…I’m still there. Hang in there!!
God is our Father, He is going to love us, be firm with us, and so on. He wants what is best for us….but sometimes (specially for me) He needs to be super firm, and show love, but also tell us to “suck it up, cupcake”. For myself I know i have a TON to work on…. but the gentle whispering to my heart reminds me nothing i can do will take His love for me away….except my own actions… I can take MYSELF away from Him. I don’t want that.
Anyways, that is what i got from this this week. The rest of the verses tell about the locusts and how they look. I thought that was pretty interesting, I dusted off my pencils and started sketching it out, got a lot of improvements to make but for not having drawn in 2 years…not bad!
I’m still doing research for the other 2 terrors… Maybe I’ll learn something even more from that! Never take my word for it….always research! The Bible has so much it wants to teach us…dive right on in! Sending love to all you dear readers out there!!