As I’ve stated in previous blog posts, my husband and I went through a really difficult time several years ago. We are finally working on it and seems to be working. But there was a time i was just BROKEN!! I cried for days…loudly, quietly…I did so while screaming into my pillow, I shamed him and myself with hateful words and bitter venom. All it did was tear us more a part. I was hurting and i didn’t know how to talk with him anymore.
Well one night as a last ditch effort we went to a group thing called ReEngage…It seemed ok and so we joined and started to work. Then during one of the group session parts they played this song by Casting Crowns called Broken Together. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhxELo-uD3c ) <this is the official music video for it> I thought how true this is! The whole song is about being broken and chasing dreams and fairy tale endings but really in the end aren’t we just two broken people trying to make it work?
Then this last month i watched an online study about marriage by Andy Stanley called IMarriage.(you can find it on youtube too) Wow was it an eye opener! What stayed with me the most was when he said something about how if a desire of our heart is causing us pain and anxiety we need to go to the Lord and say to HIM..”Lord, this desire is important to me. It’s causing me so much pain. I’m giving it to you.” He states at one point that God wants to grant us the desires of our hearts but we need to bring them to him daily and wait on HIS time.
The reason i bring these two things up is because i realized i had desires, I would hint at them or turn them into expectations for my husband to fill up and do.. see the problem? I was bringing them to the wrong person! This led to a lot of brokenness. I still today have these desires and still feel broken in this area….but it’s different now…i KNOW who to bring it to this time, and it’s the one person who truly knows and understands brokenness!
And with that it brings us to our verse which is about Brokenness. 🙂 see what i did there? LOL!
The verse i have today is Galations 2:20 NLT version:
“My old self has been crucified with Christ.[a] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Let me start with that first sentence. “My old self has been crucified with Christ…” To me that word crucified really sticks out. To truly understand this word i went back to Luke 22-23 and John 18-19 to read about Jesus’ Crucifixion. If you’re not familiar with those chapters, read over them..it’s very enlightening. SO through that reading i learned how painful that way of dying is. When i hear that my old self or “old way of life” has been “crucified” with Christ…it just tells me that the transition is not going to be fun and games. People might yell at you, make fun of you, bosses may give you a hard time, loved ones may shun you….but this is WITH Christ. He’s done it already…he was ridiculed, beaten, broken, and most of all…loved ones turned their backs on HIM. No one but Jesus could understand the pain we may go through!
“…It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me..” Again I’m drawn to certain words, “no longer I who live” ….wow. Now i don’t think this means who we are dies….no no. We’ll still have those heart desires, we’ll still feel the draw of our passions like music, drawing, numbers, computers…no what i think they are talking about here is all the bad stuff. Our sins of our past, the overwhelming desire to do wrong, the way we used to look at the world or just people that were around us. Once all of that is gone then Christ (Holy Spirit) can come in and be there with us always. Whispering to us when making decisions, lifting us up when we feel like falling, but most of all being there so that we are NEVER truly alone! That makes me feel so much better knowing that I’ll never truly be alone again!
“So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God” This here i feel like it is summed up in the last part… trusting in the Son of God….By trusting in Him i will be able to go through life a lot better.
And lastly… “..who loved me and gave himself for me.” I believe this goes into the common verse of “He loved us so much He gave His one and only Son to die for us.” Not only did God love us so much but Jesus HIMSELF loved us sooooo much that He went through that painful process physically, emotionally, and mentally for US. I mean…who else would do that for me? We say things like “I’d die for you” but do we mean it? Most of the time…NO.
So in a nut shell… because Christ was crucified I can know that i will have help to live this earthly life until the day He calls me home. Now I know you all are probably wondering what this has to do with my brokenness and marriage i had talked about in the beginning of this. But don’t you see…. if i had had this verse when i was broken and crying, i would’ve know that i wasn’t alone… that Christ knows what my pain feels like and wants to comfort me? Oh how this would’ve saved me so many nights of pain. Oh how this will help me in the future to know that these heart desires are just as important to God as they are to me and that He will be with me through the pain and hurt until the time they may be answered. Just gotta also remember that my answer may not be 100% what i WANT it to be.