Hi… my name is Monie and i am a Fixer. I am on zero days of sobriety, I know i have a problem and I admit that. And that is the first step, right? We all have addictions and they are never a laughing matter especially to the person that struggles with it. (So never think i will make fun of people that go to groups about it, no way!)
Now when I say I’m a Fixer… i don’t mean I’m logical about it. My husband is a very logical Fixer, as in you do this, this, and that and you should be good and it makes sense but you’re more like “no i just need you to listen and not fix it!” But i’m not that kinda Fixer…I’m more of an emotional/Judgemental kinda Fixer. I’ll either tell people it’s ok and do everything for them or i’ll sit back and stare at people and say to myself “well if they had listened to me, they wouldn’t be in this mess.” So i guess in a sense i can be a rescuer or an Ogre. Ha!
It’s hard as I’ve always seen my husband as the Fixer in our relationship but recently I realized after truly looking at my actions…I’m a Fixer too. Being this kinda person can be a Blessing or a curse to people. I think the way I am a Fixer is destructive no matter how you look at it. The more i rescue people the more likely they will not learn from their on mistakes, and the more i sit and judge people the more i scare people off. Also i hurt myself in these actions, I over extend myself in tasks and commitments, or I’ll become bitter and never help anyone…even when they really do need it!
But how can we protect ourselves from becoming this way? I was wondering that and think i found the perfect verse to answer it….
“12 Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. 13 So let’s stop condemning each other. ” Romans 14:12-13
Let’s take a closer look now.
“Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God.” I like how the author starts with the word “YES” To me this is their way of making sure we have no doubt that this is going to happen. It’s not a maybe…it’s not a no… it’s not a “oh well we don’t know what’s going to happen”… NOPE! it’s a very definite YES! I’m so glad that the Bible is not wishy washy like other writings. In the next words it says EACH…and PERSONAL. These are red flags to me. To me they say no matter how bad someone treats you YOU are going to have to give the account of YOUR actions…no one else.
I think this is a good reminder to make sure we are treating people the way we want to be treated. If that isn’t a good reminder then the last two words are like a knock in the heart. “to God”… not to earthly authorities…not to family members…not to spouses.. or kids. But to our Lord and Savior are we going to have to give our account to. I mean i had issues with getting in front of the class, or talking with teachers…how am I going to feel standing in front of God saying “but Lord i did this!” yeah i don’t think that will go over well. Ha!
“So let’s stop condemning each other.” To me this is the author softens a little…i can see them sitting there like a father or mother to a child and saying in that firm, understanding, but loving tone “ok hun, but let’s not do this ok?” Or i could totally see this as a tired parent going “you know what? KNOCK IT OFF!” HaHa!!
“Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.” So this is telling us we have a choice…”decide”. Even though the author wants us to do right and reminds us about God…we still have a choice. It reminds me that God is very big on giving us Free Will….We don’t have to follow him…we don’t have to make right choices. He wants us to…He wants us to come to Him and make good choices but it’s still up to us.
It goes on to talk about living in a way to not cause another to stumble. So being judgmental or emotional and telling them how to do things would probably be a big stumbling block. We each have our own road to follow. I learned this through another verse:
“Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. 2 For instance, one person believes it’s all right to eat anything. But another believer with a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. 3 Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t. And those who don’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them.” Romans 14:1-3
So see we each have our own rules that we need to follow in order to live right. Does this mean we can do whatever we want? Nope… I mean that doesn’t mean go out and murder people, or drive tipsy as you don’t feel convicted to not drink…doing those things are very much wrong! In this i think we need to use a not so common thing anymore called “common Sense”. Ha! I think we also need to sit down and pray and ask God to show us the things that trip us up so that we can avoid them or set safe guards up to protect ourselves.
I think this verse helps me see that I can help people, but in a why they won’t stumble…so if i know someone has an issue with money, or alcohol…i wouldn’t help them by giving them too much money or “rescuing them” in a way that would cause them to fall. It also shows me that by being judgmental i am adding to the things i’m going to have to account for when i see the Lord when i leave this earth. I think for myself just knowing that I’m going to have to stand before HIM will be a great reminder to deal with people in a more gentle way.
I hope you enjoyed reading this!