You know i’ve talked about my depression. It feeds this Loneliness feeling at times. It gets to the point where i don’t really feel depressed anymore just lonely. Which is weird… I’m never alone….I’ve always got my kids or husband around me if not them then friends ….and if I have none of those I’m still not alone as i have my Faith and know that God is with me.
But i still feel all alone and unwanted!!!!!!!!!
This passed few weeks i’ve felt like i can’t say or do many things right in other’s eyes…. many of my family and friends seem to be mad at me or tell me my opinions, thoughts, and dreams do not matter. Each time makes me want to go back into my shell and just curl up and not go out. I can be in a room filled with people and i feel utterly and desperately alone.
I went to a gathering many weeks ago…my husband was off with some guys and i was kinda stuck being with the kids….only one person came up to me and engaged conversation…Others wanted me to come to them but i couldn’t… i had to watch the kids. So i spent most of the time on my own with only kids to talk with. When we left my husband seemed angry at me and i didn’t understand why and as we got going it seemed to get worse. I just couldn’t seem to get things right. I spent the time driving home crying quietly and no one knew.
I’ve been trying to tell my family how i feel but i really don’t think they understand.
I’ve been praying a lot for a best friend…. someone that will be there for me…check in on me, lift me up, be real with me, hang out with me, ….you know all those things best friends are supposed to be? and someone i can do the same for. I have plenty of friends… and acquaintances but really i don’t have anyone that does the list above. And that of course doesn’t help at all.
We’re still working on moving and i know that is wearing on everyone…. And now i’m trying to start up an at home business and I’ve kinda started to just throw all of me into that and just ignore all the anger and stares from my family…The only one happy to see me seems to be M. The other two are getting lose to those teen years so the hormones and testosterone is crazy. too.
So there you go… what i’m dealing with… it hasn’t been fun.
oh and if you do want to check out my business it’s on Facebook. Look up Glitz N Glam Texas (the mother company is in Florida)