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   You ever have a dream that scares you so bad you should wake up, but instead you keep having that dream until someone comes in and does something to the room around you?

   I have these every now and then and they terrify me! I’m always scared that i’ll get stuck in that dream and no one will come in and change something in the room (like turn on or off a light, or move something around, or just move around the room) and I’ll never wake up from it. Kinda like when River Song is stuck in the Tardis doing something over and over again..think it’s the Pandorica Episode. (oh yeah i just totally made a Dr. Who reference…it’s an ok show..there are many things i don’t like about it but that’s a different blog post!)

   But seriously! Dreams are scary. Nightmares are worse. Night Terrors are like a whole other level of freaking out.

Why can’t i have a normal dream scene? Why do my dreams have to be totally out there and make me wonder if i’m crazy? I remember all my nightmares too. I can sit here and one word will bring up a nightmare that goes along with it. Death…creepy dude in alley trying to kill me, Aliens…they are taking over my home town, Child…..severed head guy… i mean the list goes on and on…. But i can’t remember the good dreams. The ones that make you smile when you wake up…the ones that make you want to turn over and go back to sleep and just enjoy it a bit more. Nope can’t remember those! d

   I don’t know why my mind will only remember the bad dreams…I also don’t know why it lets me have Night Terrors once in a blue moon. Don’t know what Night terrors are? They are where you wake up from a Nightmare and believe you are still in that dream when you are not. This is a truly scary thing! Seriously.. Being trapped in a dream is one thing but to wake up and still feel trapped it’s like your mind is being ripped in two!  You can feel it struggle to understand what’s really going on and all you want to do is hold on to your head and scream but you’re stuck watching things around you trying to make to dream end or move forward.

If you have these problems… i’m so sorry! I feel your pain…i do! I’ve been there… i’ll be there again soon..possibly even tonight you just never know with this stuff!

You’re not alone if you struggle with this. The biggest help is to find someone you can just talk to about it and have them listen. I have learned that as soon as i wake up if i just tell my husband or later in the day call my mom and tell them the dream it doesn’t hold on to me quite as strongly and i’m able to go on about my day a lot better!  Make sure it’s someone safe though someone that’s not going to gossip or call you crazy every time. That’s not going to help! And don’t call yourself crazy (preaching to the choir here) that’s just going to tear you down more.

I hope this helps someone out there….

Thanks for reading!



Defeated and Excited…

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   So this month has been hard. We are still trying to make our house list worthy. And that is frustrating as i know once the painting and bathroom are done that the Realtor could very much sell our home. But i have a feeling someone will not agree and say “oh but we need to do more and it’s not perfect”….no it won’t be perfect, it never was perfect and never will be perfect… we need to move on.

   On top of that bill company did a sneaky under handed move and i wish i could yell at them but all it would do is….welll nothing. It would do no good, they are deaf to complaint and they are a huge company so doing anything else would be a waste.

   It really wouldn’t have matter but i was given an opportunity to start another branch of a cousin’s business where i’m at and it would hopefully mean a little income here and there, and that’s why i’m so excited! I’ve never had my own business and didn’t have a whole lot of know how to go about it but all of a sudden here i am and everything seems to be falling into place, but the mess up with the bill messed up the buying of start up stuff for my business. I wanted to cry. Like seriously i hate crying but i do it at a drop of the hat… i think that’s why i hate it so much. That and i think it’s a sign of weakness. So it was just a bummer and all it was a hiccup in the end i was able to buy some stuff, but it felt a little hollow after all that.

  Then i look at our budget and realize i can get a few things for the kids for the start of school but than that’s it… i won’t be able to supply extras or anything else like a normally do at the beginning of the school year and i just feel like a failure… i feel like i failed the kids and that they will be pointed at and made fun of because of me and that the Teachrs will be mad at me as well.

   I just feel like this huge failure all around that i really don’t have anything for me to do but the kids and housework… I lot of my friends have jobs of some kind even if it’s just an at home job. I guess i felt lacking. I so hope this business venture pans out and i’m super excited to start it. So that’s why i have all these warring feeling going on. So excited to get going and sell some stuff…but on the other hand i’m so bummed about the state of things NOW!

It’s hard having all these things in my head and not be able to feel comfortable talking with someone about it all… but i feel totally ok to post it here for all of you to read LOL!

Anyways a glimpse of what is up lately here. Can anyone else relate to this?


Movie: Mom’s Night Out….

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   The other night i sat down and watched Mom’s Night Out. LOVE this movie! I can sit down and laugh and cry with this movie WITH my kids! They of course don’t understand the humor behind it…but i do.


   My two favorite parts are when Ally is talking with Bones in the Police Station and the ending scene with Ally and her husband at the bowling alley. Both of them touch my heart in special ways.

   For the scene with Bones, Ally is seating there and telling him how she’s messed everything up and how she is the worst mom and that her kids could’ve had better then her. Bones goes on this long and deep story about his mom and God. The best line is “Ally you just need to be the best YOU you can be and let God do the rest”. OH! Profound! How often as Moms do we sit and rip ourselves up into tiny little pieces? How often do we sit there and compare ourselves to that mom that “looks” like she has it all together? (Because let’s face it no women with kids has it all figured out…no way!) How often do we sit there and judge another mom on how she did something wrong? On and on the list goes. We compare, judge, and badmouth ourselves and others so much it’s a wonder we have time for anything else..especially raising our kids.

   Here’s an example: A Christian radio station that i listen to posted on their Facebook page today a funny video of two toddlers being caught in the act of spreading dry baking flour all over the house and the mom is videoing her reaction and the mess and she’s not flying off the deep end and screaming at them. The comments that i read made me sad. Things like “where was she?” “how irresponsible of this mother!” “I’d never let my kids do that!” “She should’ve been watching her kids better!” Oh it broke my heart! People….. it’s FLOUR! It will clean up…. it’s NOT toxic! A special memory of something that yes the kids shouldn’t have done and the mom making into something funny was instantly turned into this debate about how SHE messed up and was a horrible person.

It all goes back to that line… be the best YOU you can be. no one else. YOU! and only YOU! don’t try to change a person… it’s not going to work….give advice if it’s being asked for…but otherwise we all need to stop and work on ourselves and make us the best we can be before we decide to crucify someone about THEIR choices. (this goes for family things as well!)

The second scene…where Ally’s husband Sean is trying to tell her how he sees what being a mom is… she’s going on about it’s hard, difficult, crazy…. and so on. But finally she let’s him finish and he says “Being a mom is IMPORTANT”. Oh wow…  Again we are so quick to sit here and complain about how hard and difficult being a mom is… but really it’s the most important thing in the world.  They throw in the saying “the person that rocks the cradle rules the world”. It’s true. Without moms we wouldn’t be here. These tiny people depend on us… they love us no matter what! (yes even teenagers or preteens that scream they hate you…they love you as well!) They look to us on how to behave, how to dress, how to cook, how to live life! Even when we’re not looking they are and they are learning from us on how to be a human being. our role in their lives are sooooo important! Now don’t get me wrong… moms and dads are not perfect some of them give up… trust me i know! Don’t let that shape you…let it TEACH YOU!

   Oh how i love this movie! The teachings you can pick up from it… the great laughs you can let go and know that someone else has been down that road! I love the fact that it’s a good wholesome movie with nothing nasty in it and seems to be a #1 on a lot of peoples lists! Wish movie companies would get the hint and make more movies like this one!

Anyways… just wanted to share this fun little thing… was a great break from moving craziness!