I know some people will read this and get huffy and say i’m not right. But let me remind you that again this is not about anyone being right or wrong… it’s about me being able to write down my thoughts that bother me or just share something of myself and maybe touch someone that might be going through the same thing.
So we’ve all been teenagers… or we are one now….but the point is when you’re a teenager you do things to learn for yourself what they might be like. Well witchcraft and magic was one of those things for myself. So let me tell you my background on it and a story-ish type thing… and i’ll put my 2 cents out there about what i think about it from there.
So I grew up in a Christian home… everyone went to Church…everyone prayed at dinner… everyone knew that Jesus was the Son of God in our home. But there was some things lacking… and it sent me on a search.
I found some people that i thought actually liked me…it was a lie of course and i know that now but then i thought it real. They were into drinking, sex, drugs, crazy enough praying, casting out demons, and making sure we all went to church. Crazy right? I wanted to fit in though so i started smoking, drinking, participating in “exorcisms”, and of course Church. Right before all this my mom had been in a car accident you know one of those ones you shake your head and go “wow and she lived??!” There were many things that happened that caused my heart to break and wonder if i was loved. So i hooked up with these guys.
That summer i tried going and doing things my way…my Grandmother who was my best friend had just died….i was 15 yrs old…i was crushed! I hated the world…i was lost… i needed to grieve and didn’t know how. Unfortunately someone took advantage of that… and then another…long story short…i never went back there. But i looked for ways i could hurt some one. We had gotten a computer….it opened the world to me.
Now a bit more background… my father always told us… don’t mess with witchcraft and magic…you have no idea what you would be dealing with and you couldn’t stand the consequences. Back to the new awesome computer…i decide tha what he’s been telling me all my life is silly and not real, can’ hurt me right? So i surf and look things up… i read. i study. I’m an idiot. HA!
The week (mind you it was just one week) that i did all of this i had nightmares… night terrors… whatever you want to call them i would wake screaming or couldn’t wake from dreams that felt like i was dying. One of these dreams still “haunts” me… in it i’m sleeping on the couch, an old relative of mine is there she’s staring straight at me from across the room, the look is like death itself. I look down and there is a book on the coffee table in front of me… it looks very old and ugly… i think it might have blood on it. Then she starts walking towards me and i can’t breathe…. she tells me to follow her and she heads up the stairs that are right beside me. I woke at this point screaming my head off and scary enough i’m sleeping on the couch and it feels like she’s still there! I think this is the one my parents come out to see what the crazy is going on.
At this point my Dad tells me who she is…what she was (a witch i guess) and that i should never follow her. At this point it all becomes very real to me. I stop everything and try my best to forget everything. But it’s left me with a problem. I no longer have this innocence that i had before. It’s hard to explain… but i can’t watch horror flicks anymore, I can’t watch a lot of real life actors playing around with magic and witchcraft as it makes me edgy and scared… i have nightmares that make Stephen Kings movies and books look like sweet fairy tales.
As i grew up i learned more…. the more you look at it there are two sides to every coin…there is good… and there is evil. I’m not going to quote scripture or anything like that… but i could….really though it boils down to this…if all the good in the world is done by God…doesn’t that mean that all the bad and seeing into things would be done by Satan?
And i don’t know about you but i’m not mess with the one in charge of all the bad.
Not sure if this made any sense… or if it’ll help anyone… but it’s been on my mind all day and it just feels good to put it down and now i can walk away from it.