Ok i know that this is one of those controversial topics… and you know what…this is what i think and how i feel. I don’t want to get in a fight all i want to do is write out how i feel about this and have it there for someone if they are feeling the same way. (little note: if you leave a vulgar and just down right nasty comment on this it WILL be deleted or flagged. You can have your opinions but nastiness will not be tolerated!)
When i was a little girl i heard the stories, sang the songs, did the plays, even went and got baptized. But i believe i truly did not know what that meant at that time. I think i was just wanting to make people happy…. I looked around and saw the two-faced people, the liars, the pornography junkies, thieves, and so on still doing all this stuff but calling themselves Christians. I was so sickened by this i turned my back a total 180 degrees and said “i’m not a Christian anymore! I don’t want anything to do with them!” And for a while i felt that was right… but i still felt empty and alone. I tried dating “Christian” men and they treated me like dirt…worse then dirt. So i tried dating the opposite…guess what? They treated me so horribly i just wanted to end it.
But through it all i still yearned for something… anything… that would make me feel loved again. After 7 years of abuse from the men population i said “NO MORE! I’m not dating, i’m not looking!” But it didn’t last. I thought a man was what i needed. I finally found a wonderful man and he’s an amazing husband and father to my kids. But that’s a different story. I met a guy that invited me to a more upbeat Church and it just so happened to have service on my one free night and so i went… i liked the feel of it and the times fit for my work. I started going without him and just went for myself… i was looking and searching… i knew my life had to mean something and that someone had to care. In the course of that year i gave myself back to God and thought it’ll be better now. HA! I keep forgetting about that verse that PROMISES hardship when you are a Follower of Christ.
About 6 months later i marry my husband and we have our first child together. (During all this i was a single mom of a toddler) We also moved from Indiana to Texas….I was so excited to get out of Indiana that i didn’t stop and think of what it would be like to have no family or friends around. That first year was hard… like oh man what have we done hard! I found myself slipping back into old ways and becoming resentful and bitter and just down right mean! The Church we were going to had a good service but had nothing to help us get into it more so…no bible studies, no sunday school classes, and most of all they had no resources available to us when our marriage started to falter. It wasn’t for us. At this time a friend invited us to her Church and i started attending and took my husband as soon as he got back from a business trip. We liked it. We’ve been going now for almost 4 years and it feeds us and we’re learning a lot. Not only that but it has helped us stay married.
This Church has helped me realize that i can’t keep looking at what other people are doing with THEIR walk.. I got to look at mine and go “am i happy with what i’m doing? am i showing the example that i know i should?” There was a lesson that was given and it talked about how “Christian” is only used 3 times in the Bible…but “Disciple” is used many times. In the Bible most people called themselves Followers of the Way or Disciple and only people that didn’t know what was happening called them Christians. I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I mean really anyone and everyone can call themselves a Christian, goodness i’ve heard stories of businesses and people doing just that so they can become rich! But can we call ourselves a Disciple? A teacher? A Follower of the Way? What do our actions say?
Don’t get me wrong…doing the right thing is hard…specially in this time of craziness. I’m not saying we need to be perfect…only one person is perfect and he died for us. i’m saying i want for myself to try my best to do the right thing and lean on a person that loves me unconditionally and asks for nothing in return but my trust and faith in Him…. wow. I want to be a teacher to my kids…that times are going to be hard…but we can make it good or we can sit and wallow in our misery. I want to teach my kids that God is a loving and kind person and not someone that sits there and hates you and does things to you to make life harder on purpose….
Maybe none of this makes sense… maybe i’m just rambling on and on… but hopefully someone reads and goes… wow yeah that!