Let me say… Anxieties are one of those subjects that people will sit there and say “oh just get over it! You are totally faking it!” To which i say hush up unless you have actually experienced having an anxiety attack i don’t want you’re opinion.
This is a very touchy subject for myself, personally, as I had fears…i was and still am afraid of the dark, heights, and planes. But 4 years ago while i was driving i had a major muscle spasm…scared me bad as it made me feel like i was having a heart attack and like i was going to pass out and never wake up. Then just 4 months later i get in a wreck… you know one of those stupid ones where you think “going to beat that light!” and so does the other person and BAM! Unfortunately i had my two oldest in my car with me at the time with both of these things and now if i’m by myself or just me and my kids I will have major anxiety attacks while trying to drive. I used to be able to drive all over the place and take myself to things and be FREE!! Now i depend on my husband a lot for getting places..and happy pills so i don’t go over the imaginary ledge.
It’s amazing how driving went from my thing for feeling free and calming down and just sheer enjoyment to my prison, cage, curse, and terrifying experience. To make this even worse i started having eye issues…i go to the eye Dr. and he informs me that i have Glaucoma…WHAT?! I’m not even 30 yet? How can this be? I thought this was something for when you were in your 60s or so? Apparently it’s a hereditary thing and can show up whenever it likes OR show up super early due to trauma. Well my grandpa on my dad’s side has it…yay me! So to add to my anxieties as night falls i can’t see well to drive. The darkness and the fast motion makes it hard for my eyes to focus 100% of the time and sometimes i have to close my eyes or i’ll get a massive headache.
At this time my husband is traveling a lot for work and i start having these weird chest pains that take my breath away, sometimes they are so bad i can’t catch my breath and start to hyperventilate. Then a sensation of the room spinning and then slowly getting dark starts and then i’ll snap out of it heart racing and feeling like i just came out of a short nap/fog. I couldn’t even begin to guess what this was and the Dr.s just kept saying it’s in my head and started labeling me as a Hypochondriac and shoving me off to the side. I go to a new Dr. and they say the same thing and write that nasty word down again. I finally got up the curage and told my Chiropractor what i was experiencing and he was like “well duh! you’re having anxiety attacks!” What? That’s a real thing? Funny that normal Dr.s had no idea what was going on but my “CHIROPRACTOR” did!
So i finally found a Dr. this last year that was nice and kinda in my face about some of my health things.
1. He gave me happy pills…nothing major…actually the smallest dose you can be on. and that seemed to take the edge off.
2. He pointed out that yeah i need to loose weight but here is how you can do that, first one to actually give me a plan to follow, all the others just said “do it” and then sent me on my way. (btw i’m down like 40lbs since going to him and though it’s kinda stopped i know that’s on me as i have been cheating on this plan OOPS!)
3. he pointed out if i get some of my health things under control and work on them they may go away or at least get better.
Finally someone that takes their job to heart and helps and gives you the tools to succeed!
In the past year my anxieties have been getting better though, I’m starting to tell myself things like “you can do this, just like riding a big bike” , “doesn’t’ matter who is driving,bad things can and will happen while you or your husband drive so might as well get out there” …you know a little pep talk before i get in the van. Now that we are trying to move again it has made me wonder…will this make my anxieties better or worse? I’m i going to find excuses to stay in my home and not leave? Am i going to drive my husband crazy with all these requests to drive me places? Will i loose friends due to these nasty little worries and panics? (Actually i think i’ve lost quite a few so far…not sure if this is the reason or what but yeah)
I’m not on here to give awesome advice… I’m not on here to get tons of followers or anything like that. (if i do hey that’s cool!) I’m on here to have something to write down my thoughts, concerns, and just what is going on in MY life…and see if maybe someone needed to see they are not alone.
Anyways… that’s a little bit about me and those nasty anxieties….. you know… i hope someone reads this and says “hey that is so me! I’m not alone! yay!”